When God Says No

This week has been challenging for me and with a disappointed heart I found myself unable to write. A week ago I challenged myself to pray my own advice, seeking God's will in the outcome of the battle I was in, and I added parameters to hold myself accountable to His answer. As soon as I prayed this prayer I was filled with anxious thoughts and I felt certain I had made a mistake. Praying isn't a mistake, but in praying specifically I had opened myself up to confronting God's will, potentially in opposition to my own. If this battle weren't important to me then this prayer would have been easy, but this battle came from the recesses of my heart. The only thing I desired was God's yes in my participation in this battle and ultimately my victory in this battle. 

Unfortunately, every day this week I woke and went to bed filled with disappointment. I continued to pray, but the context of my prayers had shifted. I couldn't pray to change God's mind and I couldn't pray for the victory I desired because I needed to be open to God's will for this battle. I needed to pray, but I felt restricted and instead I prayed for the people involved in this battle. I prayed repeatedly for their well being and my own well being. The closer I came to the end of the time, given by the parameters of the original prayer, the more I prayed for my strength and understanding in the inevitable no that I was facing. This wasn't easy because I wanted to pray specifically for what my heart most desired, but I exercised control and prayed differently as I waited for God's answer. 

It was during this time that I came to understand exactly what it meant when God said no. This week I have been facing God's no and I really couldn't understand the purpose, but then I realized that in a no there are two possibilities. First, God is telling us no because He has something better for us or is preventing us from harm. If there is someone in our lives that has the potential to harm us then God is protecting us when He says no and removes them from our lives. Often this type of no is given in the context of a child, who desperately wants their toy fixed, but is afraid to let the toy go. It is only when the child lets the toy go that the toy is either repaired or the child is given a new toy, either way the outcome is better for the child. Personally, this type of no is difficult for me to accept because I like to believe that I know what is best for me and that what I desire is the best there is. This is faulty thinking since God is the only one capable of knowing what is best for each of us. 

The second type of no is much easier to imagine and accept because it is more of a not now rather than a no. This second no is the product of spiritual warfare over the outcome of our prayer. Satan is fighting on one side, his ultimate goal is to destroy you, and God is fighting on the other side, His ultimate goal is to prosper you. As you are waiting, assuming the answer is no, there is a battle happening over your answer and it is the battle itself that delays your answer. If this is your no then you can rest in the comfort that God is fighting your battle for you and the victory has been won. Again, this is not really a no and more of a not now, but because it feels like a no I think it is important to reference it when it feels God is telling you no.

When God is saying no, He is either promising something better or making us wait while He is fighting for us. Our response to God's no is important because it sets the stage for our future blessings. Until we are able to see His answer clearly, we are unable to distinguish a "No, I have something better for you," from "Not now, I am fighting for you," and must treat the answer given us as a no and respond accordingly. This week I was in this place, somewhere between a no and a not now, and I was disappointed. I wanted to ignore God's answer and to continue the battle as if nothing had happened, but I knew that would be foolish on my part because disobedience delays blessings. In the midst of my struggles, I prayed for strength and for wisdom. I prayed, giving full vent to everything I was feeling, and then made the decision to find a way to be obedient to God. I still had time in my given parameters and I would use this time to grieve, but that at the end, if the answer was still no, that I would move forward obedient to God. That was my prayer and if you are facing a no then I pray that you pray a similar prayer because God will give you understanding and will help you see why He is saying no. 

Waiting In The Battle

Yesterday I prayed specifically for God's will in the outcome of the battle I am currently fighting and I prayed in the context of parameters, that I believed would help me better discern God's will. In this battle, it is possible that God and I desire different outcomes so I have to make certain God's answer is clear and not just an instinctive response to feelings and circumstances. Today, I received no answer and while there is still time in the parameters given, no answer seems to be a giant "NO!" to my desired victory. Last night, as I lay in bed attempting to meditate, I imagined I had received God's answer, but my brain knew the reality: my anxious heart was playing tricks on my tired brain and it was working!

This morning, when I woke up, this reality became clear and I was disappointed. I knew and yet I had managed to maintain hope, hope that was dashed at dawn. I had to remind myself that there was still time and that God's plans will always be greater and more beautiful than my disappointments. Focusing on God's plan hasn't been easy because even though I have taken a step back from the battle, my heart still remains in  a quest for victory in this fight. Tomorrow might give me a "Yes!" to my victory, but I can't allow a "No" to derail me either. Tonight, I must turn my worry into worship and sit back to watch God turn my battles into blessings. For whether I continue this battle or resign it, I know God has blessings for my life and that as long as I am obedient to Him they are mine. "God, turn my worry into worship and allow me to focus on Your plan instead of my disappointment. Help me to see the beauty in waiting and put Your peace in my heart. Amen."

Take Your Own Advice

"Lord, if it's not Your will, let it slip through my grasp and give me the peace not to worry about it. Amen." 

Tonight, I repeat this prayer and rejoice in the quiet determination to listen to God's will. The lesson from yesterday left me convicted as I realized I hadn't honored my own advice. I am in a battle right now, a battle I have fought for nearly a year, and I have only prayed for my desired victory and not God's will for a victory. As much as I want our victories to be the same, I have to admit there is a possibility that they are not. I try to be attuned to God's will in my life, but I am also stubborn, wanting what I want. Today, I attempted to take my own advice and it was hard: I spent all day trying to pray.

My heart didn't want to pray that prayer and I fought all day to utter the words I needed to pray. Finally, I prayed and finally managed to ask God for His will in this battle: Do I continue to fight or do I give up? To give up would be to admit that I was fighting a battle God didn't want me in. It would also mean that I had wasted a year fighting when I could have been receiving His blessings instead. I also prayed in the context of parameters, something else I didn't want to do. Parameters meant the possibility of a much sooner disappointment if my intended victory was not God's will. My heart hated to do it, but I felt I needed the certainty and if God's will was different then I could end the battle a lot sooner than anticipated. My parameters were not the conclusion of the battle, but rather an indication of God's will. 

At the conclusion of my prayer, there resided in me the quiet determination to listen to God's will, whatever that might mean for my life. If we want to be successful in battle then we need to make sure the battle is actually God's will for us. 

God-Ordained Goals

Today I discovered this quote, "If you saw the size of the blessing coming, you would understand the magnitude of the battle you are fighting!" It can be so easy to be caught up in the battle that we forget what we are fighting for. Maybe we have fought so long that we are only fighting to survive. I can understand because I am fighting my own fight, a fight that seems to have lasted for years, with the only thing changing the person. You see sometimes we get caught up in the fighting that we begin to fight for temporary relief instead of the cure that we need. I was thinking about this when I came across something else: an article from FaithGateway about setting God-ordained goals.

After reading this article, my thoughts drifted to goals I wanted to achieve this year, as well as who I wanted to achieve them with, and I know that to achieve the second aspect of this goal I would need God's help. The article suggested that all goals should start and end with God, hence the name God-ordained goals. We can do this through prayer. I have taken one goal tonight and circled that goal in prayer. I told God what I wanted and what I hoped to achieve in this goal. I then asked Him two questions pertaining to this goal: Is it Your will for me to do this this year? AND Is it Your will for me to do this with this person this year? I asked specific questions because I wanted specific answers. I also prayed that if His will was yes, but different from what I had planned that He would show this to me. I finished by meditating on Philippians 4:6-7, "To pray is to let go and let God take over."

I think setting God-ordained goals is important because it shifts our goal outlook back to God. This is particularly important when we feel we are entrenched in the battle. In the middle of a fight, a battle that won't end, I think we should set a goal: at the end of this, I want to have/experience/grow. Then you should take this goal to God and see what His will is for this. Your goal might be a life with someone, but God's will might be for someone else to come into your life. Pray and tell God your goal for this battle, but then ask Him if that is His will for you and make sure you listen to His answer. 

If we aren't careful to continually go to God in prayer, especially in the heat of an intense battle, we can find ourselves fighting for temporary relief instead of the cure that God wants for us. I think this is especially true in relationships: we fight so hard for a person because we want them to fulfill our status (marriage, kids, family, etc.), but we end up missing God's will for that status. The goal shouldn't be this person (there are some exceptions to this, i.e. if you are married to this person), but rather seeking God's will in bringing the person He wants into your life. 

Yes, it means relinquishing control, but the reality is that the end result was never yours to decide and following God's will will lead you out of the battle and into the blessing. Set goals, even ones that seem impossible, and circle them in prayer, being sure that your goals align with God's will. Then you will begin to see the potential for the size of the blessing at the end of every battle. 

A Look Ahead

2016 is upon us and this is the year of new beginnings. Every year, usually on January 1st, human beings, from around the world, sit and reflect on the past year and then look ahead to the new year. The new year remains the promise of a better year, a better future, and the promise of a new beginning. The promise of the new year is that we can put the past year behind us and the new year will welcome us with open arms. I think there is this belief that the new year just has to be better and that we will automatically receive its blessings, even if we don't do anything to earn them. This is not reality and I think that most people realize this, even if they don't want to admit it. 

The new year is the promise of a new beginning, but its blessings are not guaranteed without effort on our part. So the question becomes, how do we achieve greater blessings in the new year? I have spent some time thinking about this and the answer seems to start with reflection. If the past is painful, and let's be honest it usually is, then I try not to spend a lot of time reflecting on it, after all thinking about it is only going to make me sad. This year I had no intention on reflecting on 2015, beyond what already was flowing into my thoughts, but then I came across a post for a 2015 and 2016 worksheet. This worksheet struck my curiosity and I felt compelled to try the worksheet. I am glad I tried the worksheet and I have some ideas of how I am going to incorporate the worksheet into a scrapbook, which I will share when I have finished it. 

The worksheet activity began with a reflection on 2015 and asked you to answer 6 questions: greatest lesson learned, hardest thing this year, my biggest accomplishment, how I was really helpful, favorite memory, my favorite book, and my favorite movie. These seemed like fairly basic questions, but the answers themselves were tricky and I was surprised at how much I had to think about some of the answers. This aspect of reflecting on the past year can be modified and include other questions, such as top disappointments, top blessings, game changers, and areas of focus. The point of the activity is just to reflect and I think including some of your favorites is a good way to put a positive spin on an otherwise difficult year. After you finish reflecting on 2015, you are encouraged to look ahead to 2016.

The worksheet activity for 2016 again asks you questions, this time 5: what I want to learn, one thing I want to be better at, I want to try, I want to change how I, and some goals for 2016. Of course there are other questions that you could add to this list, but I think these questions were really good at forcing you to think about what you wanted to accomplish this year. Asking yourself what you want to learn, what you want to be better at, and how you want to change are great catalysts for setting achievable goals in 2016. If I want to learn a new language then I know that I need to begin to learn a new language by taking a class at the community college or utilizing online learning resources. Thinking and writing about your goals for a new year gives you the foundation to begin to achieve your goals. This activity also shifts the responsibility from the universe onto you. If you want a better year and a better future then it is up to you to change it, to make 2016 into something wonderful for you.