I apologize that I didn't post an update sooner. I sat down to write this post, but honestly I didn't know what to say. Or how to express progress when it doesn't feel like any progress has been made. It has been 17 days since I started this journey, which means I am almost to the halfway mark and I thought I would have made more progress by this point. Not measuring up to expectations is never easy to deal with and can lead to disappointment. That is the point I was at when I sat down to write this update on Saturday and as a result I didn't post anything. My intention, when I sat down at my computer tonight, was not to write an update or even a post, but then I realized I had made progress.
Progress is not always measurable. Sometimes progress is just a slow increase in desired response and not something we even notice until it is complete. I had been measuring my progress by the results I could record and put on paper, but the results I wanted are not something that can be measured. Yes, I could measure my healthy eating habits and exercise, but the mental and spiritual progress I wanted is not something that can be measured. I know that I have not made progress on eating healthier or getting more exercise and that is an area I need to improve upon. But I have made progress in other areas. Tonight, as I sat down, I realized that I am happier than I was before this journey, I am learning to trust God more, and I am seeing spiritual truths happening in my life.
I have always believed in the power of prayer, but during those times in my life when God seems silent, I know that my faith wavers. The last few weeks I have felt that God has been silent and I honestly didn't know what to think about my circumstances. I continued to pray, but I felt lost. In last week's post I reflected on my experience of honestly praying to God, in absolute silence, and having a wonderful experience of Him answering my prayers. He didn't answer immediately or directly, but when I received my answers, it was undeniable that it was God. Then last week I spent time in Max Lucado's devotional on the power of a simple prayer. My prayers last week were not necessarily short or simple, but they were heartfelt expressions of my circumstances that I decided to lay at God's feet.
The strange thing is that after I prayed God again answered my prayers. Everything seemed to fall into place and my worries seemed to come to an end. Then a few days later everything fell apart and I honestly didn't know what to make of it. Suddenly, my answers were gone and I seemed to be back at square one. Again I prayed and I did my best to leave my concerns in that prayer, replacing worry with hope. Once again, my prayers were answered or at least mostly answered. Everything isn't solved by all means, but there are solutions in place and my concerns are being worked out. Prayer is powerful, but if we expect immediate results than chances are that we aren't going to see progress. We are going to imagine our prayers haven't been heard or aren't being answered and we are going to miss the little ways God has communicated with us along the way to our prayers being answered.
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