Love Is Not Jealous

Jealously is an emotion that is associated with the thoughts and feelings of insecurity or fear over an anticipated loss. Jealousy has two roots: the loss of something that belongs to you and the loss of something that you believed you deserved. One is based in righteousness and one is based in selfishness. Jealousy is most often seen in context of relationships. Relationships exist between family members, between friends, between coworkers, between acquaintances, and between romantic partners. The boundaries defined in each of these relationships largely prevent unnecessary jealousy, but when boundaries are blurred jealousy rages. I think it is important to make the distinction between the roots of jealousy and to understand in contexts of relationships because it explains a lot of people's behavior. 

I would like to address two particular audiences and offer some advice. First, to parents, please remember that you are your child's parent and that you don't need to compete with other adults in their life or even their friends. Be your child's parent and you will never have to worry if they will replace you because they can't. When you, as a parent, begin to feel threatened and behave jealously then you are telling your child it is wrong to develop relationships with other people. Developmentally your child needs these relationships, but more importantly your child needs to have relationships with people he or she can trust in the case of an emergency. If your child wants to spend time with a relative let them because those relationships are important too. Likewise, if your child wants to spend time with a friend let them. You will always be the parent to your child so there is no reason to feel threatened. Second, to couples, remember to establish boundaries in your friendships, especially your friendships with the opposite sex. Boundaries that establish a friendship means that your romantic partner will not feel threatened and behave jealously. Boundaries that are blurred lead to insecurities and eventually lead to jealousy. 

S scripture: "Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire." Song of Solomon 8:6

O observation: Love is not jealous. Jealousy is divided into two categories: legitimate and illegitimate. Legitimate jealousy is when what is rightfully ours is given to someone else. God's jealousy is legitimate. But illegitimate jealousy is based on envy, a selfish desire that leads us to believe we should have received something instead of someone else. Love does not have illegitimate jealousy, rather love has a legitimate jealousy that is as unyielding as the grave. Love is not selfish, but delights in the success of others.

A application: In the past I have experienced illegitimate forms of jealousy and I realize that isn't love. Love rejoices with those who are rejoicing and weeps with those who are weeping. It is time to throw out the negatives of the depreciation room and to focus on cheering on the success of the one I love. 

P prayer: God, I have been wrongly jealous in the past and I recognize my error. I ask for Your forgiveness and Your help to remember love isn't jealous. The legitimate jealous I feel right now weighs upon my heart and I ask for the wisdom to discern this jealousy is really legitimate and not a sin I am committing. Again, I want my love to be like Yours and not motivated by selfish desires. I don't want the burning of illegitimate jealousy to hurt someone I love. Help me to rejoice with those who rejoice. In Your loving name, Amen.

Proverbs 29

Proverbs 29: More Proverbs of Solomon (Cont.). 

Whoever remains stiff-necked after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed - without remedy. A man who loves wisdom brings joy to his father, but a companion of prostitutes squanders his wealth. Those who flatter their neighbors are spreading nets for their feet. The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern. Mockers stir up a city, but the wise turn away anger. Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. The poor and the oppressor have this in common: the Lord gives sight to the eyes of both. A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother. Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire. Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them. A servant pampered from youth will turn out to be insolent. An angry person stirs up conflict; and a hot-tempered person commits many sins. Pride brings a person low, but the lowly in spirit gain honor. Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.

God wants us to heed a rebuke because rebukes prevent us from continuing to make the same mistakes. God says that if we remain stubborn, refusing to listen to rebukes, that we will be destroyed and there won't be another opportunity to reconcile our mistakes. Joy comes from loving wisdom and God wants us to be wise. God wants us to care about justice for the poor. We shouldn't take advantage of the poor because they are poor, instead we should ensure they achieve justice. Wisdom turns away anger and God wants us to avoid quarrels. We are to bring calm during an argument instead of giving full vent to our rage. God wants us to discipline our children that they would discover wisdom and not turn insolent. Godly discipline won't harm your child, but will benefit their life all the days of their life. God doesn't want us to be angry or to be full of pride, instead He wants us to be lowly in spirit and to trust in Him.

Proverbs 24

Proverbs 24: Thirty Sayings of the Wise (Cont.).

Saying 20: Do not envy the wicked, do not desire their company; for their hearts plot violence. 

Saying 21: By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established.

Saying 22:  The wise prevail through great power, and those who have knowledge muster their strength; surely you need guidance to wage war, and victory is won through many advisers.

Saying 23: Wisdom is too high for fools; in the assembly at the gate they must not open their mouths.

Saying 24: Whoever plots evil will be known as a schemer; the schemes of folly are sin.

Saying 25: If you falter in a time of trouble, how small is your strength; rescue those being led astray to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter.

Saying 26: Eat honey, my son, for it is good; know also that wisdom is like honey for you.

Saying 27: Do not lurk like a thief near the house of the righteous, do not plunder their dwelling place; for through the righteous fall seven times, they rise again. 

Saying 28: Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from them.

Saying 29: Do not fret because of evildoers or be envious of the wicked, for the evildoers has no future hope, and the lamp of the wicked will be snuffed out.

Saying 30: Fear the Lord and the king, my son, and do not join with rebellious officials.

Further Sayings of the Wise:

To show partiality in judging is not good; An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips; Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready, after that build your house; Do not testify against your neighbor without cause; A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest - and poverty will come on you like a thief and scarcity like an armed man.

God does not want us to associate with the wicked, to envy their lives, or to desire their company. The hearts of the wicked plot violence and God's will is for us to be at peace with one another. A house is built by wisdom and established through understanding. Wisdom and knowledge provide power and strength. God wants us to seek out advisers because victory is won through many advisers. We are told to rescue those being led to death and hold back those being taken to slaughter. God wants us to lead as many people to life (God) as we can and to prevent them from death (hell). The righteous will always rise again, this is a promise, even though we might fall seven times. God does not want us to rejoice when our enemy falls. It is God's will that we would allow him to punish our enemy, but God still loves him or her. The punishment is for the good of our enemy just as discipline is for the good of our children. God's will is that we would not be afraid of evil because he gives us this promise that the lamp of the wicked will be snuffed out.  

Proverbs 23

Proverbs 23: Thirty Sayings of the Wise (Cont.).

Saying 7: When you sit to dine with a ruler, put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony; Do not crave his delicacies, for that food is deceptive.

Saying 8: Do not wear yourself out to get rich; do not trust your own cleverness.

Saying 9: Do not eat the food of a begrudging host, do not crave his delicacies; for he is the kind of person who is always thinking about the cost.

Saying 10: Do not speak to fools, for they will scorn your prudent words.

Saying 11: Do not move an ancient boundary stone or encroach on the fields of the fatherless.

Saying 12: Apply your heart to instruction and your ears to words of knowledge.

Saying 13: Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.

Saying 14: My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad indeed.

Saying 15: Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord; There is surely a future hope for you. 

Saying 16: Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.

Saying 17: The father of a righteous child has great joy; a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him; may your father and mother rejoice; may she who gave you birth be joyful!
Saying 18: An adulterous woman is a deep pit, and a wayward wife is a narrow well; like a bandit she lies in wait and multiplies the unfaithful among men.

Staying 19: In the end it (wine) bites like a snake and poisons like a viper.

The food of the rich is not to be desired and we are not to wear ourselves out for wealth. Wealth is fleeting and with one glance will be gone. Instead store up instruction and knowledge like treasure. Discipline your child that he will be wise. A righteous child brings joy to his parents. Avoid wine and adulterous people. 

Proverbs 18

Proverbs 18: Proverbs of Solomon (Cont.).

An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgement starts quarrels. One who is slack in his work is brother to one who destroys. The name of the Lord is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. Before a downfall the heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor. To answer before listening - that is folly and shame. The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear? A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel. From the fruit of their mouth a person's stomach is filled; with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied. The tongue has the power of life and death. One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. 

A crushed spirit is unbearable and God wants us to be careful with our words for this reason. Our hearts should be humble, we should listen carefully before we give an answer, and allow love to cover an offense before a dispute can be started. God wants our lips to produce good fruit.

Proverbs 12

Proverbs 12: Proverbs of Solomon (Cont.). 

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is unwise. No one can be established through wickedness, but the righteous cannot be uprooted. The plans of the righteous are just and the house of the righteous stands firm. Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant than pretend to be somebody and have no food. The righteous care for their animals and those who work their land have abundant food. Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult. The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. 

God wants us to love discipline because it gives us knowledge and keeps us from wickedness. God isn't concerned about our appearance to the world, but our hearts. Righteous lives are reflected in righteous actions and righteous lives are rewarded. God doesn't want us to pretend to be somebody, but to live honest lives as a nobody. We are not to show annoyance quickly, but instead to forgive and overlook an insult. This is often difficult, but God wants us to live prudent lives.