November Challenge: Day 18

I apologize that this is another late night post. This evening was one of those evenings that I didn't want to deal with a situation and was dreading it all day. Then tonight that situation ended in a huge blow up. The details of what happened are not important, but rather the results. Tonight, I was doing a  favor for my mom ( I'll add a favor I didn't want to do) and helping my sister. I was never asked if I would help, but it was just assumed and I was already very upset about this. I don't think that you should expect more from someone when they have already helped you so much and I definitely think that if you want more that you should ask, not assume. That said I was putting my frustration aside and helping. Then in the moment of trying to help I was insulted and disrespected. In that moment I chose to establish and make clear boundaries. I wouldn't be talked to in that way and that as a result I was not going to help. 

Of course this decision resulted in a blow up, but I held my ground and for that I am grateful. I did what no one else has done and illustrated there are consequences for your actions. As a result, the people around me supported my decision, applauded it, and made clear that they would do the same.  This is something else that has never happened. I am grateful for the support because the night could have been a whole lot worse if they had given in like always. I am mentioning this because as I said before the results are important. I have a tendency to bend over backwards helping someone, to the point of it being an honest sacrifice for me, and people have a tendency to take advantage of me as a result. I try not to let this happen, but I am constantly feeling belittled as a result of helping others. I don't think this is how we should feel and I don't think this is how God envisioned us to live our lives. We are called to be meek like lambs, but shrewed like lions. 

Yes, we should help other people and take care of their needs. That said we are not other people's slaves. Jesus divided the loaves and fishes: He did not allow His disciples to go without. The disciples helped other people, but Jesus didn't require that they did everything everyone asked of them either. There is a line that is to be made and I think it is important that we make that line clear. Otherwise we end up as doormats and our once pure hearts become bitter. I have noticed this in my own heart. My compassion has become less as my heart has hardened, but tonight there was victory. I am aware this is only the beginning, but I know the importance in this victory and I will not allow myself to fail in establishing these necessary boundaries. 

With all of this said, I also need to confess my sin. Tonight, in my anger, I sinned. I didn't guard my tongue and I repeated a fact in a way that was designed to be hurtful. I shouldn't have made my comment because I only said it to make a hurtful point. The truth of the comment isn't as important as the intent behind it. I am not proud that I allowed the comments of another to cause me to sin. I believe my anger tonight would have been considered justified, but my response wasn't. I am not perfect and I still have a long ways to go, but I hope my honesty is encouragement to keep trying to live a life that brings honor to God. 

This is certainly not the grateful post I intended, but I am grateful and I hope everyone sees that in every moment there is an opportunity to be happy and to be grateful. Tonight is not the night I would have sat down to write about when thinking about thankfulness, but being intentionally grateful has made me see the gratitude I can have even in a moment such as tonight. What are you thankful for today? 

Love Is Not Jealous

Jealously is an emotion that is associated with the thoughts and feelings of insecurity or fear over an anticipated loss. Jealousy has two roots: the loss of something that belongs to you and the loss of something that you believed you deserved. One is based in righteousness and one is based in selfishness. Jealousy is most often seen in context of relationships. Relationships exist between family members, between friends, between coworkers, between acquaintances, and between romantic partners. The boundaries defined in each of these relationships largely prevent unnecessary jealousy, but when boundaries are blurred jealousy rages. I think it is important to make the distinction between the roots of jealousy and to understand in contexts of relationships because it explains a lot of people's behavior. 

I would like to address two particular audiences and offer some advice. First, to parents, please remember that you are your child's parent and that you don't need to compete with other adults in their life or even their friends. Be your child's parent and you will never have to worry if they will replace you because they can't. When you, as a parent, begin to feel threatened and behave jealously then you are telling your child it is wrong to develop relationships with other people. Developmentally your child needs these relationships, but more importantly your child needs to have relationships with people he or she can trust in the case of an emergency. If your child wants to spend time with a relative let them because those relationships are important too. Likewise, if your child wants to spend time with a friend let them. You will always be the parent to your child so there is no reason to feel threatened. Second, to couples, remember to establish boundaries in your friendships, especially your friendships with the opposite sex. Boundaries that establish a friendship means that your romantic partner will not feel threatened and behave jealously. Boundaries that are blurred lead to insecurities and eventually lead to jealousy. 

S scripture: "Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire." Song of Solomon 8:6

O observation: Love is not jealous. Jealousy is divided into two categories: legitimate and illegitimate. Legitimate jealousy is when what is rightfully ours is given to someone else. God's jealousy is legitimate. But illegitimate jealousy is based on envy, a selfish desire that leads us to believe we should have received something instead of someone else. Love does not have illegitimate jealousy, rather love has a legitimate jealousy that is as unyielding as the grave. Love is not selfish, but delights in the success of others.

A application: In the past I have experienced illegitimate forms of jealousy and I realize that isn't love. Love rejoices with those who are rejoicing and weeps with those who are weeping. It is time to throw out the negatives of the depreciation room and to focus on cheering on the success of the one I love. 

P prayer: God, I have been wrongly jealous in the past and I recognize my error. I ask for Your forgiveness and Your help to remember love isn't jealous. The legitimate jealous I feel right now weighs upon my heart and I ask for the wisdom to discern this jealousy is really legitimate and not a sin I am committing. Again, I want my love to be like Yours and not motivated by selfish desires. I don't want the burning of illegitimate jealousy to hurt someone I love. Help me to rejoice with those who rejoice. In Your loving name, Amen.