Love Is Not Jealous

Jealously is an emotion that is associated with the thoughts and feelings of insecurity or fear over an anticipated loss. Jealousy has two roots: the loss of something that belongs to you and the loss of something that you believed you deserved. One is based in righteousness and one is based in selfishness. Jealousy is most often seen in context of relationships. Relationships exist between family members, between friends, between coworkers, between acquaintances, and between romantic partners. The boundaries defined in each of these relationships largely prevent unnecessary jealousy, but when boundaries are blurred jealousy rages. I think it is important to make the distinction between the roots of jealousy and to understand in contexts of relationships because it explains a lot of people's behavior. 

I would like to address two particular audiences and offer some advice. First, to parents, please remember that you are your child's parent and that you don't need to compete with other adults in their life or even their friends. Be your child's parent and you will never have to worry if they will replace you because they can't. When you, as a parent, begin to feel threatened and behave jealously then you are telling your child it is wrong to develop relationships with other people. Developmentally your child needs these relationships, but more importantly your child needs to have relationships with people he or she can trust in the case of an emergency. If your child wants to spend time with a relative let them because those relationships are important too. Likewise, if your child wants to spend time with a friend let them. You will always be the parent to your child so there is no reason to feel threatened. Second, to couples, remember to establish boundaries in your friendships, especially your friendships with the opposite sex. Boundaries that establish a friendship means that your romantic partner will not feel threatened and behave jealously. Boundaries that are blurred lead to insecurities and eventually lead to jealousy. 

S scripture: "Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire." Song of Solomon 8:6

O observation: Love is not jealous. Jealousy is divided into two categories: legitimate and illegitimate. Legitimate jealousy is when what is rightfully ours is given to someone else. God's jealousy is legitimate. But illegitimate jealousy is based on envy, a selfish desire that leads us to believe we should have received something instead of someone else. Love does not have illegitimate jealousy, rather love has a legitimate jealousy that is as unyielding as the grave. Love is not selfish, but delights in the success of others.

A application: In the past I have experienced illegitimate forms of jealousy and I realize that isn't love. Love rejoices with those who are rejoicing and weeps with those who are weeping. It is time to throw out the negatives of the depreciation room and to focus on cheering on the success of the one I love. 

P prayer: God, I have been wrongly jealous in the past and I recognize my error. I ask for Your forgiveness and Your help to remember love isn't jealous. The legitimate jealous I feel right now weighs upon my heart and I ask for the wisdom to discern this jealousy is really legitimate and not a sin I am committing. Again, I want my love to be like Yours and not motivated by selfish desires. I don't want the burning of illegitimate jealousy to hurt someone I love. Help me to rejoice with those who rejoice. In Your loving name, Amen.