I apologize that this is another late night post. This evening was one of those evenings that I didn't want to deal with a situation and was dreading it all day. Then tonight that situation ended in a huge blow up. The details of what happened are not important, but rather the results. Tonight, I was doing a favor for my mom ( I'll add a favor I didn't want to do) and helping my sister. I was never asked if I would help, but it was just assumed and I was already very upset about this. I don't think that you should expect more from someone when they have already helped you so much and I definitely think that if you want more that you should ask, not assume. That said I was putting my frustration aside and helping. Then in the moment of trying to help I was insulted and disrespected. In that moment I chose to establish and make clear boundaries. I wouldn't be talked to in that way and that as a result I was not going to help.
Of course this decision resulted in a blow up, but I held my ground and for that I am grateful. I did what no one else has done and illustrated there are consequences for your actions. As a result, the people around me supported my decision, applauded it, and made clear that they would do the same. This is something else that has never happened. I am grateful for the support because the night could have been a whole lot worse if they had given in like always. I am mentioning this because as I said before the results are important. I have a tendency to bend over backwards helping someone, to the point of it being an honest sacrifice for me, and people have a tendency to take advantage of me as a result. I try not to let this happen, but I am constantly feeling belittled as a result of helping others. I don't think this is how we should feel and I don't think this is how God envisioned us to live our lives. We are called to be meek like lambs, but shrewed like lions.
Yes, we should help other people and take care of their needs. That said we are not other people's slaves. Jesus divided the loaves and fishes: He did not allow His disciples to go without. The disciples helped other people, but Jesus didn't require that they did everything everyone asked of them either. There is a line that is to be made and I think it is important that we make that line clear. Otherwise we end up as doormats and our once pure hearts become bitter. I have noticed this in my own heart. My compassion has become less as my heart has hardened, but tonight there was victory. I am aware this is only the beginning, but I know the importance in this victory and I will not allow myself to fail in establishing these necessary boundaries.
With all of this said, I also need to confess my sin. Tonight, in my anger, I sinned. I didn't guard my tongue and I repeated a fact in a way that was designed to be hurtful. I shouldn't have made my comment because I only said it to make a hurtful point. The truth of the comment isn't as important as the intent behind it. I am not proud that I allowed the comments of another to cause me to sin. I believe my anger tonight would have been considered justified, but my response wasn't. I am not perfect and I still have a long ways to go, but I hope my honesty is encouragement to keep trying to live a life that brings honor to God.
This is certainly not the grateful post I intended, but I am grateful and I hope everyone sees that in every moment there is an opportunity to be happy and to be grateful. Tonight is not the night I would have sat down to write about when thinking about thankfulness, but being intentionally grateful has made me see the gratitude I can have even in a moment such as tonight. What are you thankful for today?
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