Today is the 15th, which means I am officially half-way through this month of intentional gratitude and you are too if you have decided to enter into this journey with me. I know that I have started a few of these posts by stating something negative or critical about my life or day, but I believe doing this helps you to fully understand why an ordinary aspect of life is truly a blessing. I'm not trying to encourage complaining, but to practice the skill of refocusing your thoughts to see the positive. Taking a complaint and turning it into a blessing is challenge, but this practice cultivates a more grateful heart. A perfect example of this can be found in today's blessing.
Last night I was up most of the night and wasn't feeling well. Part of not feeling well has been my battle with acid reflux nearly every night, which has become an ongoing battle over these last few months. I am woke up from the painful, burning sensation in my chest and forced to stay awake until the acid decides to return to my stomach. Medication hasn't seemed to help and I am hoping this new nightly trend will disappear soon. I mention this nightly battle because when I have a particularly bad night then I usually wake up in the morning irritated, a natural side effect of not getting enough sleep. I'm not trying to justify starting your morning irritated, but I think it is important to remember that a good night of sleep is going to dramatically affect your day.
When I did wake up and manage to start my day, it was to a series of questions and complaints about my method of running a household, which I was only doing as part of helping my mom recover after her surgery. My own needs and concerns I already have over running my own life is of no matter to this other set of lives. There was a fight. Isn't there always one? And I just left the situation really frustrated. I am doing my mom a favor and outside of my mom, everyone is capable of taking care of themselves. The fact that I am handling everything my mom typically handles is a favor to her and not because the other parties are unable to do these things themselves. Needless to say I left this argument frustrated and really upset at the absolute selfishness being displayed. I was hurt by the condescending tone and implication about my ability to run a household.
This moment is one of those moments when my heart is full, I'm weary from sadness and frustration, but I don't do anything. By anything, I mean that I didn't pray about it or give it over to God. Honestly, I just let it sit there and allow it to consume my morning. Yet, in this moment God saw my heart full of hurt and the tears not yet shed and He read these as if they were the words in a prayer. Prayer is important, it is in prayer that God reveals His heart to us, but in those moments when we can't pray He is there too and He hears the prayers we are unable to pray. He hears those unspoken prayers just as loudly as the prayers that we speak and He answers our prayers in every form that they are given.
It wasn't even 30 minutes later and God had answered the prayer I hadn't even prayed. This morning's fight had been about food because though I had gone grocery shopping I hadn't bought extra food beyond what was needed for meals. The cupboards weren't bear, but the food that was there was not what was wanted and I had made clear that the food bought for meals wasn't to be touched, in essence it was being saved for a lunch or a dinner. I don't have the time to run around buying more groceries every day because someone wanted a snack. Hence my frustration. Anyways, after this argument my mom's employer stopped by our house with two bags of groceries. He had went to the store and bought us a meal (rotisserie chicken, scalloped potatoes, a loaf of bread, two salads, and a cake). No one had asked him to do this and as far as I know my mom hasn't talked to him since her surgery a few days ago. We didn't ask, but God had prompted his heart to recognize a need that wasn't being shown. I say need because those groceries smoothed over a roughness in the morning and not an actual need since there were groceries.
When I opened the bag of groceries and put away the food, my heart was overwhelmed with gratitude. Gratitude for God answering a prayer I hadn't prayed for and reminding me He does answer all of my prayers. Gratitude for my mom's employer, who cared enough about her well-being that he addressed a potential need without being asked. His generosity is a reminder of how we should be loving others. Most people aren't going to ask you to do something for them and are probably going to waive your verbal attempts to help, but that doesn't mean they don't need help or have a need. Loving others means that we need to recognize another's needs without them having to tell us or relying on them to ask. It doesn't mean asserting your presence, but in acting with love in the least aggressive way. This might mean dropping off food without assuming an invitation into their homes or lives, an unexpected gesture of love and kindness. I'm not discouraging a visit with a person, but suggesting that there are times when a person isn't up for a visit, such as after a death or while recovering. In these moments we can show love and compassion without necessarily being present.
Today, amid chaos and disorder, there was an answer to a prayer and a reminder that we are deeply loved. We are loved by God, who answers all our prayers, ever those prayers we haven't prayed in words. We are loved by others, who express their love in those moments of unexpected kindness. The truth is that even in our seemingly worst moments we have much to be grateful for and it is our responsibility to recognize our blessings, cultivating a grateful heart. My heart is grateful and there is peace. What are you thankful for today?
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