Love Is Not Jealous

Jealously is an emotion that is associated with the thoughts and feelings of insecurity or fear over an anticipated loss. Jealousy has two roots: the loss of something that belongs to you and the loss of something that you believed you deserved. One is based in righteousness and one is based in selfishness. Jealousy is most often seen in context of relationships. Relationships exist between family members, between friends, between coworkers, between acquaintances, and between romantic partners. The boundaries defined in each of these relationships largely prevent unnecessary jealousy, but when boundaries are blurred jealousy rages. I think it is important to make the distinction between the roots of jealousy and to understand in contexts of relationships because it explains a lot of people's behavior. 

I would like to address two particular audiences and offer some advice. First, to parents, please remember that you are your child's parent and that you don't need to compete with other adults in their life or even their friends. Be your child's parent and you will never have to worry if they will replace you because they can't. When you, as a parent, begin to feel threatened and behave jealously then you are telling your child it is wrong to develop relationships with other people. Developmentally your child needs these relationships, but more importantly your child needs to have relationships with people he or she can trust in the case of an emergency. If your child wants to spend time with a relative let them because those relationships are important too. Likewise, if your child wants to spend time with a friend let them. You will always be the parent to your child so there is no reason to feel threatened. Second, to couples, remember to establish boundaries in your friendships, especially your friendships with the opposite sex. Boundaries that establish a friendship means that your romantic partner will not feel threatened and behave jealously. Boundaries that are blurred lead to insecurities and eventually lead to jealousy. 

S scripture: "Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire." Song of Solomon 8:6

O observation: Love is not jealous. Jealousy is divided into two categories: legitimate and illegitimate. Legitimate jealousy is when what is rightfully ours is given to someone else. God's jealousy is legitimate. But illegitimate jealousy is based on envy, a selfish desire that leads us to believe we should have received something instead of someone else. Love does not have illegitimate jealousy, rather love has a legitimate jealousy that is as unyielding as the grave. Love is not selfish, but delights in the success of others.

A application: In the past I have experienced illegitimate forms of jealousy and I realize that isn't love. Love rejoices with those who are rejoicing and weeps with those who are weeping. It is time to throw out the negatives of the depreciation room and to focus on cheering on the success of the one I love. 

P prayer: God, I have been wrongly jealous in the past and I recognize my error. I ask for Your forgiveness and Your help to remember love isn't jealous. The legitimate jealous I feel right now weighs upon my heart and I ask for the wisdom to discern this jealousy is really legitimate and not a sin I am committing. Again, I want my love to be like Yours and not motivated by selfish desires. I don't want the burning of illegitimate jealousy to hurt someone I love. Help me to rejoice with those who rejoice. In Your loving name, Amen.

Love Believes The Best

"You have to face problems however difficult they are. Having the bravery to face your difficulties is the hardest step; working through the problem is often easier than you think. The first step is always the hardest." (God Wants You to Know)

This is fitting for today when I all I seem to face is problems. I don't want to face problems, but the problems I face need to be faced and dealt with. The problems include an evaluation at work and the air conditioning in my car. I dealt with the evaluation, though I would have liked to postpone it, and I passed the evaluation. Success. Problem solved. Unfortunately, the air conditioning wasn't fixed in my car and is now a problem for another day. 

The point is that no matter how difficult the problem is you need to face it and start to work through it. God is there with you and has given you the tools you need to solve your problems. A solution won't be found by ignoring the problem. In fact, ignoring the problem often makes it worse. God doesn't tell us to ignore our problems, but to trust Him. All our problems, all of our hurt, and all of our suffering is worked out for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. It doesn't matter how big or how scary your problems are because God promises to work it out for your good. 

There are things in life that will scare you, but you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think (Winnie the Pooh). Not to mention God is on your side and nothing formed against will stand. 

S scripture: "[Love] believes all things, hopes all things." 1 Corinthians 13:7

O observation: Love believes the best. There are two rooms in our heart: the appreciation room and the depreciation room. Love lives in the appreciation room. Love believes the best about someone, because of the appreciation room, and gives them the benefit of the doubt. Love doesn't give up even when love isn't returned because love hopes all things.

A application: When I am upset with the one I love I tend to enter the depreciation room and remember all of things that he has done wrong. Love believes the best and gives the person the benefit of the doubt. I need to live in the appreciation room and to believe all things, to hope all things. Living in the appreciation room means appreciating the one I love everyday and praying for the mistakes the one I love makes instead of holing them against him.

P prayer: God, I haven't always lived in the appreciation room and frequently have visited the depreciation room. I ask for Your forgiveness for all of the times I went into the depreciation room and lingered. I ask for Your forgiveness for all of the times I used items in the depreciation room as ammo when I was upset. I didn't believe all things or hope all things and I'm sorry for not appreciating the one I love. I know I don't deserve another chance, but if You gave me one I ask that You would help me remember to believe all things, hope all things, and to live in the appreciation room. I want my love to be like Yours. In Your loving name, Amen.

Busyness

Busyness. There is this quote that stands out to me, it is from a Big Bang Episode, "I was too busy. Too busy to help my own mother." This comes after one of the characters' mom passes away while on vacation. Every time I watch this episode his words stand out to me. There is this belief in life that we are too busy, maybe we are, and that we don't have time for others, but there will be time later. Except later is not guaranteed, for you or for the others you're putting off. 

Yesterday, I was very busy working on my Reverse Lent challenge for my other blog, catching up on my to-do list, and trying to get a jump start of reading for my second quarter of classes. But I made a point to stop, to spend time with the people around me, and to enjoy their presence, rather than viewing them as a distraction. Part of that meant spending some time at my sister's graveside. Spending time there is a reminder life is precious and people are more important than deadlines or material possessions. Remember your entire life can change in an instant. Appreciate all you have now.