Coffee With God

Desire has been on the forefront of my mind. The feelings in my heart are winning over the logical thoughts in my brain. I know I shouldn't, I know I should just let go, but I can't. There is nothing sinful about my desire (restoration to the one I love), but the reality is that it isn't a reality and I'm not sure it ever will be. I know and yet I hang on because love endures all. I don't know any other way. I don't know if I should take this as a sign or not, but today's God Wants You To Know was, "If you desire something, offer something. Offerings can come in many forms: a gift, a prayer, a smile, flowers, food. Offer something from your heart." 

Honestly, I didn't know what to think because it felt a bit like a bribe. Biblically, people would offer sacrifices, burnt offerings, or grain offerings that God would bless their lives or to pray specifically for something. Logically an offering made sense, but it still felt like I was trying to bribe God. I prayed anyways. I prayed and said, "God, I want to make You happy. If I offer you anything I want it to be pleasing. What would make You happy?" My prayer was less about an offering for a desire and more an offering as a thanks to God for all that He has done in my life. As I finished my prayer, placed upon my heart was the thought, "time with you," and so I have made a commitment to schedule time with God without any distractions. I literally scheduled God into my weekly planner with the note Coffee with God. What I was offering was not a bribe, but a commitment to improving my exiting relationship with God. 

This commitment of time with God without distractions felt so promising in my heart that I actually scheduled two days in my week to have coffee with God. I plan on documenting my coffee dates with God that I would be able to reflect on all that I have learned from Him. If you have experienced a period of staleness in your life, when it seems that nothing is happening (good or bad), and you desire so much then I suggest you start scheduling God into your life. I will admit that this sounds a little strange, after all God is always with us, but there is a difference when you actively commit to spending time with Him and are purposeful about removing distractions. A few months ago I talked about how I stay focused on God by praying throughout the day along with scripture reading etc., but there is always the possibility of that time being interrupted with distractions. Scheduling time with God means that you are removing the distractions from your presence and telling God, "I'm here with you. No distractions, just You and me."

God Isn't A Genie

"We all want everything to be ok. We don't even wish so much for fantastic or marvelous or outstanding. We will happily settle for okay, because most of the time, okay is enough." -David Levithan (Every Day)

This quote has become the backdrop of today. By all regards I am okay. I have a house, I have food, I have clothes, I have a job, I have family, and I have friends. On all accounts I am okay and yet today it isn't enough. Today I need more. My needs were provided for and yet my heart is unhappy. At the center of being okay is this deep sadness that comes from unmet desire. Desire being the longing for the one I love and restoration that seems more and more like an impossibility. 

Yet, even now, I can't deny I'm not okay. I want to pray for the marvelous, but I don't because God isn't a genie that grants wishes. Sometimes you just need to have faith that God is able and even if He doesn't that it doesn't change who He is (Daniel 3:17-18). Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego thrown into the fiery furnace did not ask God for a miracle. Instead they boldly claim God's ability to rescue them, that He would rescue them, but that if He didn't they still wouldn't worship the gold image. These men were so confident in God's ability and they trusted Him so completely that they didn't need to ask God to spare them.

God tells us to pray for what we need, but constantly asking for a miracle or for the marvelous might indicate a lack of faith. Tonight I am keenly aware that I might be asking too much. Often I have prayed the same prayer, not sure of how it will be answered, and lately not sure it will be answered. Waiting has tested my faith and I have clung to prayer as the means of achieving the end. Yet God has heard me, even before the words were on my tongue, and He knows the desires of my heart. I do not need to pray endlessly about it. Prayer has become my crutch and when I don't see an answer I believe I haven't prayed right. I'm beginning to think my faith is lacking. Tonight, I prayed to be like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. That I would trust God so completely that I wouldn't have to ask and that my confidence lied in His abilities only.