When Resolutions Fail

What do you do when your resolutions fail? If resolutions are signifiers of progress and you are standing still, or worse going backwards, how do you stop the trajectory and move in the right direction? How do you get up daily and continue to fight for your resolutions when you feel defeated?

This is where I am and I can assure you I don't have the answers to these questions. My resolutions were mostly ongoing and things I hoped to realize this year. Then last week everything came crashing down around me and when Friday came I was ready to throw in the towel. I went to bed feeling absolutely defeated. I knew I wasn't, it was just one of those life moments when you are temporarily knocked down, but still it is difficult to rise up to fight when you already feel down for the count. In these moments I am reminded of advice given to me by a friend, who was literally fighting for his life. I asked him how he managed to keep his spirits up and to keep fighting when his body was so sick and it seemed easier to give up. He told me that you don't just get to give up and that even when you don't want to that you have to keep trying. In essence, without taking extreme measures like suicide, you have no other option except to get up everyday. You have the choice to be miserable about it or to see the silver lining, but you don't get to choose to give up.

In this moment, I have no choice except to wake up daily, my beating heart essentially decides that one, but from there I am free to choose how I am going to face my failure in my resolutions. Do I decide these are not the resolutions for me or do I decide they are worth for fighting for? The answer to these questions varies on the person and the resolutions they have. For me, my choice is the later, to keep fighting for the goals I have set for myself, but I am realizing that I need to change my approach. For some resolutions, the means to obtain them is outside of my control and I need to change my outlook on the resolutions and my means to fight for their realization. You can hit your head on a wall everyday for the rest of your life, but it isn't going to get you any closer to your goals.

I don't have answers to my questions, but I know I need to keep my head up and do my best to keep fighting for my resolutions. I need to recognize my limitations and work towards making progress on realistic goals. One example of this is I am trying to get in the habit of working out regularly and overall live a healthier lifestyle. I find working out regularly a difficult task because usually I am tired and I have little motivation to do much at the end of the day. This last week I was able to work out twice and next week I will try to work out at least three times. Sometimes you need to be realistic and make goals that are achievable. Progress on little goals is a way to build up momentum and keep making progress on larger goals. 

It is the second week of January, how are your resolutions going? 

Lent

I apologize I am so late in writing this post on Lent. My intention was to write an introduction post to Lent on Ash Wednesday, February 10th, but that didn't happen. We are already 2 weeks into the season of Lent and my idea for the original post is now outdated, but I hope that my thoughts on Lent can help inspire you during your season of Lent.

Lent is a season of giving up and of conscious sacrifice in the 40 days (Sundays excluded) before Easter. Growing up I never participated in Lent and I honestly didn't understand the practice. I knew lots of people who did, but I personally couldn't get behind the idea. Then a few years ago I was introduced to this idea of Reverse Lent. Reverse Lent is a sacrifice of time and energy in the completion of service to Jesus. This might be spending a few minutes each day to thank someone for their presence in your life or to just encourage them in their faith or it might be a physical act of service. The last few years I have used my time and my gifts to work towards blessing others. Specifically, I have spent Lent crocheting blankets for specific organizations. The first year it was for Oliviana's Closet, the second year it was for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, and this year it is for Project Linus. Reverse Lent made more sense to me and felt of greater use to the Kingdom then giving up chocolate or something else. 

Then this year, prior to the start of Lent, insight into Lent came upon me and gave me understanding. I was reading a daily devotional, one that I had received in an email, about Jesus's fasting and temptation in the desert. It was while reading this devotional that I realized we give up something during the season of Lent so that we can experience temptation the way Jesus did. Yes, temptation is present in our lives everyday, regardless of whether we give up something or not, but we experience the greatest amount of temptation when we give up something we really want. Jesus fasted for 40 days and then was tempted. If He hadn't fasted then He would have been tempted to turn a rock into bread. In essence, if He didn't give something up then He wouldn't have experienced temptation. The purpose of Lent is not that we would be tempted, but that in being tempted, we would not succumb to temptation. Lent is a season of relying on God for what we need, a period of growing closer to Him, and a celebration of victory over temptation. The idea is that if we could overcome this temptation then we could overcome any temptation. Lent is a conscious time of practice and learning about and overcoming temptation. It prepares us for those times of unexpected temptation that will arrive in other areas of our lives. 

My views and practices of Lent have changed this year. My season of Lent exists in 3 parts: I am reading through the gospels, I am setting aside time daily to work on the blankets for Project Linus, and I am resisting the urge to fight my battle on my own. My pastor had challenged my church to read through the gospels before Easter in an effort to remind us that man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from God. I accepted his challenge because Lent should be a period of growing closer to God and depending on Him for our substance. I am making a conscious effort to use my gifts to be of service to God. This should be a regular practice, but I have noticed that if it isn't conscious then it can be easy to make excuses and engage in other activities. Finally, I prayed to God before Lent and asked Him to impress upon my heart anything that He might want me to give up during Lent. There was only one thing that continually came to mind throughout this time of prayer. If you have read any of my posts from this year then you know that I have been fighting a battle. This battle is figurative, but nevertheless challenging. Throughout this time I have been struggling with trying to be patient and let God fight the battle for me. I know what I should do, but there have still been times when I have been tempted to take matters into my own hands and it backfired miserably. Because of this, I believe God impressed it upon my heart to not take matters into my own hands and to rely on Him to fight for me. 

The aspects of my Lent aren't traditional, especially the last part, but together these different parts are working in my life. Reading through the gospels has served as a refresher course for me and has reminded me to live a life more like the life Jesus would want me to live. There is also this idea that I should know the word of God more intimately and that in knowing I will have understanding and in understanding it will be easier to live out. Working on the blankets for Project Linus has been a reminder of how fortunate I am and an encouraging conviction to help those that have less. Choosing different organizations forces me to learn about different groups of people in need. I have been most blessed by the last aspect of my Lent. The last 2 weeks I have trusted God, I have resisted the temptation to get involved, and He has blessed me immensely. In giving up control, I didn't lose anything, but instead experienced God's presence in every interaction. I was able to recognize His answers to my prayers or unvoiced areas of concern and to see how He was working in the life of someone I love. It has been a wonderful experience. 

That said, I haven't been 100% faithful to this experience. A few days ago, I did intervene and attempt to take control. I did it because I needed an answer and that answer was time sensitive, but I was too impatient to wait to see how God would answer my concern. Because of my impatience, I robbed myself of the opportunity to see God provide and to experience His ultimate blessing. Yet, I think this is an important lesson. There will be times when we fail and in failing we miss an experience with God, but even when we fail God doesn't leave us. He is right there waiting for us to come back to Him and to experience His blessing again. I will never know what might have happened if I hadn't intervened or how I would have experienced God in that moment. I can't get that moment back, but I can learn from it. There is plenty of temptation to intervene and attempt to take control in this battle, but I am learning and I am choosing to step back, allowing God to step in and fight for me. I don't know what is going to happen, but I know that at the end of this Lent season I am going to have experienced God in new ways and that is worth the sacrifice.