God Is Listening

Today has been hard on my from almost the moment I woke up. Our new schedule at work started today and it was chaos. My first client seemed to enjoy making a mess just to make a mess and it was clear I was expected to clean it up, rather than the child or the parents of the child, who were also there. Needless to say that as the morning wore on so did my headache. The afternoon wasn't any better and by the time I came home I wanted to curl up into a ball. Then when I began to feel better I was confronted with unpleasant news. I felt kidney punched and unable to breathe. 

I just sat there crying and praying, "I'm not ready. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not ready." Over and over again for about half an hour. Then I dried my tears and stopped. An unexpected thing happened and I felt better. Not perfectly whole, but noticeably better. Nothing had changed and yet I was able to have a moment of peace in the chaos. Sometimes I don't feel ready or strong enough, I don't know the words to pray, but I know God is listening and working it out for me. 

Be Anxious For Nothing

Today, again, I have felt unsure and unready. When you are nervous or anxious it is difficult to regain focus. I prayed over and over again, but I never was able to regain my calm. I am reminded of Philippians 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." I continued to pray, trusting God to relieve my anxiety, and let my requests be made known to God.

The truth is we can pray the same prayer and receive different answers each time. Deep down inside of me there is an instinctual need to trust God, but sometimes I am afraid of the things I see on the horizon. I know I shouldn't be afraid, but I am. My fears are logical, usually, but then there are the irrational fears that involve other people. These fears have to do largely with what other people think or will think based on the outcome. The truth is other people's opinions shouldn't control your actions or responses to events. God's perfect love for us has made us valuable treasures. His opinion is the only one that matters. Focus on Him.

Not Ready

Today has been interesting: a lot of things that don't make sense or are just out of the blue have happened. Today, when my thoughts weren't on trying to make sense of the things that had happened, they were on feelings of not being ready. Over and over again, throughout the day, I repeated, "I'm not ready." There wasn't exactly anxiety, but an uncomfortable feeling. Hesitation must have been on my heart because both God Wants Me To Know Messages were on timing. 

The first was "There is a right time," and referred to doing things according to our natural rhythm. The second was "Now is the right time," and was about this moment being the exact moment God wanted me in. The last few days I have struggled with this and I can't help, but believe God is trying very hard for me to be in this moment with Him and to just trust His plan. I might not know about tomorrow or the outcome of events or choices I have made, but I know that I am where God wants me to be and that is enough. It is enough to know that I haven't ventured off the path and I am right where I need to be.