This week has been challenging for me and with a disappointed heart I found myself unable to write. A week ago I challenged myself to pray my own advice, seeking God's will in the outcome of the battle I was in, and I added parameters to hold myself accountable to His answer. As soon as I prayed this prayer I was filled with anxious thoughts and I felt certain I had made a mistake. Praying isn't a mistake, but in praying specifically I had opened myself up to confronting God's will, potentially in opposition to my own. If this battle weren't important to me then this prayer would have been easy, but this battle came from the recesses of my heart. The only thing I desired was God's yes in my participation in this battle and ultimately my victory in this battle.
Unfortunately, every day this week I woke and went to bed filled with disappointment. I continued to pray, but the context of my prayers had shifted. I couldn't pray to change God's mind and I couldn't pray for the victory I desired because I needed to be open to God's will for this battle. I needed to pray, but I felt restricted and instead I prayed for the people involved in this battle. I prayed repeatedly for their well being and my own well being. The closer I came to the end of the time, given by the parameters of the original prayer, the more I prayed for my strength and understanding in the inevitable no that I was facing. This wasn't easy because I wanted to pray specifically for what my heart most desired, but I exercised control and prayed differently as I waited for God's answer.
It was during this time that I came to understand exactly what it meant when God said no. This week I have been facing God's no and I really couldn't understand the purpose, but then I realized that in a no there are two possibilities. First, God is telling us no because He has something better for us or is preventing us from harm. If there is someone in our lives that has the potential to harm us then God is protecting us when He says no and removes them from our lives. Often this type of no is given in the context of a child, who desperately wants their toy fixed, but is afraid to let the toy go. It is only when the child lets the toy go that the toy is either repaired or the child is given a new toy, either way the outcome is better for the child. Personally, this type of no is difficult for me to accept because I like to believe that I know what is best for me and that what I desire is the best there is. This is faulty thinking since God is the only one capable of knowing what is best for each of us. 
The second type of no is much easier to imagine and accept because it is more of a not now rather than a no. This second no is the product of spiritual warfare over the outcome of our prayer. Satan is fighting on one side, his ultimate goal is to destroy you, and God is fighting on the other side, His ultimate goal is to prosper you. As you are waiting, assuming the answer is no, there is a battle happening over your answer and it is the battle itself that delays your answer. If this is your no then you can rest in the comfort that God is fighting your battle for you and the victory has been won. Again, this is not really a no and more of a not now, but because it feels like a no I think it is important to reference it when it feels God is telling you no.
When God is saying no, He is either promising something better or making us wait while He is fighting for us. Our response to God's no is important because it sets the stage for our future blessings. Until we are able to see His answer clearly, we are unable to distinguish a "No, I have something better for you," from "Not now, I am fighting for you," and must treat the answer given us as a no and respond accordingly. This week I was in this place, somewhere between a no and a not now, and I was disappointed. I wanted to ignore God's answer and to continue the battle as if nothing had happened, but I knew that would be foolish on my part because disobedience delays blessings. In the midst of my struggles, I prayed for strength and for wisdom. I prayed, giving full vent to everything I was feeling, and then made the decision to find a way to be obedient to God. I still had time in my given parameters and I would use this time to grieve, but that at the end, if the answer was still no, that I would move forward obedient to God. That was my prayer and if you are facing a no then I pray that you pray a similar prayer because God will give you understanding and will help you see why He is saying no.
