Let Go And Let God

It has been almost a month since my last post and I apologize for not keeping Lessons updated. My last post was about the meaning of no when given from God as an answer to our prayers. A month ago I was afraid and confused as I faced the prospect of a no to my prayer in the battle I had spent more than a year fighting. If God said no then my fight would have essentially been a waste of my time and I would also have to change my expectations for the future. I had every intention of being obedient to God's answer, but I was unsure of how exactly I would do that. Then, on the last day of my prayerful waiting, I received my answer: yes. Yes, to fighting the battle and yes, to victory in the battle. I was overcome with emotion and my heart was filled with gratitude. 

Those initial feelings of happiness faded and the reality of battle came over me. I knew that a yes did not mean the end to fighting the battle, but somehow my expectations had shifted to a yes being the immediate delivery of a victory and when that didn't happen I began to experience disappointment. I know that I shouldn't have felt disappointed or allowed those feelings to affect me the way they did, but I did and those feelings kept me from writing. I wanted to reveal how to go forward in battle after God had guaranteed a victory, but I felt like a fraud because I didn't have a clue. The last month I have studied the idea of Biblical battles and how we should respond in them, but I still don't feel I know what I am doing in my own battle. 

That's where I am today: uncertain of how to go forward or what is even unexpected of me. Yet, I have learned, or rather I have been reminded, that the battles we face are God's not ours to fight. Every scripture I have found points us to giving up control to God and turning our battles over to Him in prayer. Giving up control isn't a natural feeling, but the Bible reminds us that when God fights a battle that He doesn't lose. This should be encouraging to all of us and motivate us to give up control. 

The truth is that we aren't equipped to fight most of the battles we face. No amount of will power, healthy living choices, or medicine can defeat cancer every time. No amount of support or calming meditation can take away the sting of losing someone we love. No amount of money or hobbies to keep you distracted will overcome your desire for restoration in a treasured relationship. No amount of force or new weapon can end every battle or prevent war. We, as humans, aren't equipped to change the hearts of men, to cure diseases, to create everlasting life, to bring about peace, or to restore what has been broken. Every time we try we will fail because we weren't capable of doing it in the first place. 

But God can. Every battle we face God can win. There is nothing that we face that God can't fix and make right. In one moment God can change a projected defeat into an overwhelming victory. That is not to say that God will always bring us victory in a battle or that every prayer for a victory will be answered. God can do it, but He isn't a genie that grants our every desire, even if it is noble. If God didn't have a bigger picture in mind then I think He would be more inclined to bring us more victories  in the battles that we face, but because of the bigger picture He has to say no in order to bring about His will for the world. There is comfort in this truth. Whether God says yes, no, or maybe He is working it out for the good of all who love him. Our no might not be welcomed, but it may have helped someone else or protected us in the future. We might never fully understand, but we can rest in the comfort that God loves us. He loved us so much that He gave us His only son. If He gave us His son, what would He withhold from us? 

God has given me a yes to victory in the battle I face, but His yes did not come with a timeline. I have had to learn what it means to let go and let God. Giving up control is not easy, but I am well aware of the fact that I am not equipped to fight this battle on my own. This last month has presented challenges that I didn't expect, but I am learning and growing in my faith. 

When God Says No

This week has been challenging for me and with a disappointed heart I found myself unable to write. A week ago I challenged myself to pray my own advice, seeking God's will in the outcome of the battle I was in, and I added parameters to hold myself accountable to His answer. As soon as I prayed this prayer I was filled with anxious thoughts and I felt certain I had made a mistake. Praying isn't a mistake, but in praying specifically I had opened myself up to confronting God's will, potentially in opposition to my own. If this battle weren't important to me then this prayer would have been easy, but this battle came from the recesses of my heart. The only thing I desired was God's yes in my participation in this battle and ultimately my victory in this battle. 

Unfortunately, every day this week I woke and went to bed filled with disappointment. I continued to pray, but the context of my prayers had shifted. I couldn't pray to change God's mind and I couldn't pray for the victory I desired because I needed to be open to God's will for this battle. I needed to pray, but I felt restricted and instead I prayed for the people involved in this battle. I prayed repeatedly for their well being and my own well being. The closer I came to the end of the time, given by the parameters of the original prayer, the more I prayed for my strength and understanding in the inevitable no that I was facing. This wasn't easy because I wanted to pray specifically for what my heart most desired, but I exercised control and prayed differently as I waited for God's answer. 

It was during this time that I came to understand exactly what it meant when God said no. This week I have been facing God's no and I really couldn't understand the purpose, but then I realized that in a no there are two possibilities. First, God is telling us no because He has something better for us or is preventing us from harm. If there is someone in our lives that has the potential to harm us then God is protecting us when He says no and removes them from our lives. Often this type of no is given in the context of a child, who desperately wants their toy fixed, but is afraid to let the toy go. It is only when the child lets the toy go that the toy is either repaired or the child is given a new toy, either way the outcome is better for the child. Personally, this type of no is difficult for me to accept because I like to believe that I know what is best for me and that what I desire is the best there is. This is faulty thinking since God is the only one capable of knowing what is best for each of us. 

The second type of no is much easier to imagine and accept because it is more of a not now rather than a no. This second no is the product of spiritual warfare over the outcome of our prayer. Satan is fighting on one side, his ultimate goal is to destroy you, and God is fighting on the other side, His ultimate goal is to prosper you. As you are waiting, assuming the answer is no, there is a battle happening over your answer and it is the battle itself that delays your answer. If this is your no then you can rest in the comfort that God is fighting your battle for you and the victory has been won. Again, this is not really a no and more of a not now, but because it feels like a no I think it is important to reference it when it feels God is telling you no.

When God is saying no, He is either promising something better or making us wait while He is fighting for us. Our response to God's no is important because it sets the stage for our future blessings. Until we are able to see His answer clearly, we are unable to distinguish a "No, I have something better for you," from "Not now, I am fighting for you," and must treat the answer given us as a no and respond accordingly. This week I was in this place, somewhere between a no and a not now, and I was disappointed. I wanted to ignore God's answer and to continue the battle as if nothing had happened, but I knew that would be foolish on my part because disobedience delays blessings. In the midst of my struggles, I prayed for strength and for wisdom. I prayed, giving full vent to everything I was feeling, and then made the decision to find a way to be obedient to God. I still had time in my given parameters and I would use this time to grieve, but that at the end, if the answer was still no, that I would move forward obedient to God. That was my prayer and if you are facing a no then I pray that you pray a similar prayer because God will give you understanding and will help you see why He is saying no.