Resolutions Update

The first week of January has flown by and there have been 7 days this year for us to work towards our goals and resolutions. How have your resolutions been going? The first week is full of motivation and then history has demonstrated motivation usually tapers as January goes on. Resolutions are usually kept through planning and dedication to continue these changes. How are you planning to keep your resolutions going? 

My resolutions are health, organization, and education. I have been focusing on the health aspect of my resolution since this resolution needs more planning and requires daily input to achieve. I am increasing the days I exercise at least 30 minutes. Last week I exercised at least 30 minutes 3 days and this week my goal is to increase that number to 5 days. I have returned to meal planning and prepping my lunches to decrease the frequently I eat out during the work week. Meal planning has helped me keep on track and eat better throughout the week. This week I added more fruits and vegetables to my lunch menu. I also downloaded a calorie tracker so I can be mindful of how many calories I am consuming each day. 

While I downloaded the calorie tracker app, I am not concerned about tracking my calories or limiting myself specicifcially. My resolution is to get healthy and to live a healthier lifestyle. I am not interested in a diet or limiting myself. I want to be able to enjoy life. The calorie tracking app is just a way for me to be mindful about the calories I consume so I’m not overindulging daily. 

This was a shorter update than I imagined writing going into this week. My graduate classes started up again and my available time has been cut drastically. Being busy is probably a good thing because it keeps me from thinking about the hardships I am facing, however it also means less frequent posts to Lessons. My goal is to try to post at least once a week. 

Let me know how your resolutions are going in a comment. 

Goals Not Resolutions

Today is the first day of the new year. Last night people were celebrating with loved ones and remembering their favorite moments of 2018. 2018 ended in a snowball of bad news and it was difficult to think of anything good last night. So instead I thought about resolutions. I don’t make resolutions. Resolutions are just good thoughts that tend to disappear as the new year progresses. So instead this year I made 3 goals. You might think that goals are similar to resolutions and I suppose in many ways they are, but goals are different in one major way: they have steps. You start with a goal and then under the goal are the little steps that it will take to get there. These little steps are manageable, but they lead to a big accomplishment at the end.

There are plenty of goals I would like to achieve by this time next year, but I also don’t know what tomorrow is going to look like and it would be unrealistic, even impossible, for me to plan out each day for the next year. So instead, I chose three goals to work on this year. Goals can be added as other goals are completed. My goals:

1) Get healthy
2) Get organized
3) Obtain my masters degree

These goals might seem vague, but each goal has several steps underneath it. For example, get healthy includes eating 5 servings of fruit and vegetables each day, along with drinking more water each day. The trick is to have specific steps that are measurable and obtainable. You don’t want to say lose weight, but have a target goal like 20 pounds. Start with something that is manageable, but not achievable in a day. You need to strive for it, but you shouldn’t struggle for an excessive amount of time to reach the step.

I will explore each of these goals further in future posts and talk about the Bible verses that support these goals. For now, I am going to reflect on the new year and get ready to return to work tomorrow. What are your goals for the new year? 

Job: A Lesson in Hardship

Job's story is probably one of the better known stories told in the Bible. You are likely familiar with Job and his tale of hardship. Job is a longer book in the Bible with 42 chapters so it is easy to miss some of the message while reading it. Today I am diving into Job, to understand the lesson in his hardship. I am starting from the beginning so if you are not familiar with Job you can meet him now.

Job was a righteous man. Job 1:1 states, "In the Land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil," (New Living Translation (NIV)). Now at this point in Biblical history there were not many people considered blameless. Even the people who were recorded prior to Job had sinned. That is not to say Job wasn't a sinner. We are al born into this world as sinners. However, as much as Job was responsible he did not sin and he took to it to ensure his children and household did not sin as well, "His sons used to hold feasts in their home on their birthdays and they would invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. When a period of feasting had run its course, Job would make arrangements for them to be purified. Early in the morning he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, "Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts." This was Job's regular custom," (Job 1: 4-5, NIV). 

The Bible said Job was blameless. Blameless is an important word choice. Up until this point if you sinned you were responsible for your hardship. Hardship was a sign God's blessing had turned from you. You were not blameless. So it is important the Bible says Job was blameless. The resulting hardship is therefore not a result of Job or a sin he may have committed. 

If Job is blameless then where does his hardship come from? In Job, chapter one, a conversation between God and Satan is revealed, "One day the angels came to present themselves before the Lord and Satan also came with them. The Lord said to Satan, "Where have you come from?" Satan answered the Lord, "From roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it," (Job 1: 6-7). Satan is roaming the earth. I say is instead of was because he is engaged in this same activity now. He is roaming the earth looking for souls to take. His purpose is to alienate earth's inhabitants and encourage them to remain in sin. 

God is aware of Satan's actions and his purpose. He doesn't actually need to ask Satan what he is doing. It is at this point that God presents Satan with Job, "Then the Lord said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil," (Job 1:8). I'll admit this exchange is strange. It sounds like God is offering up Job to Satan. Job: His servant! We take for granted God already knew the outcome of the conversation, the hardship Job would endure, and the ultimate story of Job's life. For us, we ask "Why God?" From a human perspective, Job was doing everything he was supposed to do as a servant of God and God was supposed to show him blessing for being blameless. 

That is not what happened. Satan replies, "Does Job fear God for nothing?' Satan replied. "Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But now stretch out your hand an strike everything he has, and he will surely cure you to your face," (Job 1:9-11). Satan has a point. If you make someone's life easier and never cause them hardship, how do you know they love you? Not that you should purposefully cause hardship to find out if someone loves you, but endurance is a part of a love. 

God did not need to cause Job hardship to know his heart. God is able to know our hearts, better than we know ourselves, and how each event in our lives will affect our heart. Satan can't do that. So when he is suggesting hardship for Job he doesn't know this hardship won't change Job's heart towards God. His decision for hardship is based on what he knows of human hearts, which is when humans face suffering we don't usually do it quietly and we are more than happy to find someone to blame. Satan believes that if he convinces God to create hardship for Job that he will gain another soul. He doesn't care about God or Job otherwise. Then, "The Lord said to Satan, "Very well, then, everything he has is in your power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger," (Job 1:12). Satan wanted God to create hardship for Job, but instead God allows Satan to create the hardship. God's blessing is the reason Job did not endure any hardship prior to this moment. So in essence, God is removing His hand from Job so Satan's activity can have an affect on Job's life. 

Satan did not need to be told twice. He left God and sought to destroy Job. So what did Satan do to Job? We find that out in Job 1:13-19. Here is the short version:

1) Sabeans attacked, took Job's oxen and donkeys, and killed all except for one servant.

2) Fire came down from heaven and burned up the sheep, along with all the servants minus one.

3) The Chaldeans took the camels and killed all the servants except one.

4) A mighty wind came from the desert and knocked down the house with all of his sons and daughters feasting inside. 

Satan took away Job's livestock, most of his servants, and killed Job's offspring. Satan wanted to make sure that Job felt his presence. Job's world came crashing down around him in a matter of minutes. Each tragedy mentioned above is announced within minutes of the previous tragedy. 

If even one of these events happened to use we would be devastated, but to have all four? Surely, this would be enough for Job to get upset and question God. Yet, Job 1:20-22 says, "At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrong doing."

Satan sought to destroy Job and he didn't take any chances. He annihilated Job's world in a matter of minutes. Yet Job does not crumble. I imagine his response wasn't as quick as it was written, but nevertheless, he recognized God can do as He pleases and should still be praised in hardship. I admire Job. This week my world felt like it was falling down around me and I didn't have a single one of Job's hardship. I didn't stop and praise God. In fact, I was angry because God could have stopped it and didn't. We see first hand in Job that God does allow hardship to come upon us even when we are blameless. 

Now I am not saying I am blameless. I have sinned and fallen short. I do not know that any of my past sins did not cause the current hardship I face and I equally do not know this hardship is the result of sin. Short of a direct correlation, I have no way of knowing the cause of my hardship. The point of Job is that you can be blameless and still face hardship. Hardship is not necessary the result of your own actions (i.e. sin). 

Regardless, I was angry and accused God of not protecting me. After all, it was in His power to protect me at any point and in a number of ways over the years. I would love to have Job's confidence and assurance in God that even when his world is crumbling he is praising God. Some of you might be thinking that Job just lost his possessions, if you take out the loss of his children, and could therefore accept the loss in stride. Historians could even argue the loss of children was not the same then as it is now. Men had many children and most of the children didn't make it into adulthood. There is also the historical significance of having male heirs to continue an estate and female heirs as methods of prospering that estate. In other words, historically children are ranked about the same as livestock. I don't think this how Job felt about his children, but I mention it because his children are looped in with his livestock lost. 

Satan cursed Job, but Job did not curse God and so we journey into chapter two. Again Satan and God are talking. Again God points out Job, "Then the Lord said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason," (Job 2: 3). God has reason to brag. Job upheld God even in hardship. But you may say the attack wasn't personal and Job can replace the loss. 

Satan agreed, "Skin for skin!' Satan replied, "A man will give all he has for his own life. But now stretch out your hand and strike his flesh and bones, and he will surely curse you to your face," (Job 2:4-5). So again God allows Satan to attack Job, but Satan is not allowed to kill Job. Again Satan sets out to destroy Job, this time attacking his flesh. Job is struck with painful boils and blisters on his entire body. He is so ill his wife tells him to just go on and die already. 

Satan had a point: striking Job's flesh had a different response in Job. Job is miserable. His wife and his friends are unsympathetic. His wife knows Job is blameless so she tells Job to curse God, after all He must be the source of the illness. Job's friends know that hardship is the consequences of sin and they plead with Job to repent. But remember, Job is blameless so he doesn't have anything to repent. Obviously, his friends don't believe him because God doesn't punish righteous people. 

Job is miserable and fed up arguing with his friends, but he doesn't curse God. He doesn't understand why this is happening so he begins to think it would have been better if he was never born. The day of his birth should be blotted out because it is curses. In short, Job is throwing a pity party. Not that I blame him. His life is falling apart and he is too close to see why. He is unable to understand and he doesn't have a whole of options. 

At this point Job could continue to go on in his current state or he could end his life. Suicide would be an affront to God and if Job isn't going to curse God then he isn't going to end his life either. So Job just sits there and laments his birth. If he was never born then he would never experience hardship. Job's lament and conversation with his friends is most of the book of Job. Then in chapter 38, we hear from God, "Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm." God had enough of Job's whining and seeks to correct him while also justifying Job in front of his friends because Job was blameless. 

God questions Job, "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundations?" (Job 38: 4) He goes on to ask, "Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I made the clouds is garments and wrapped it in thick darkness, " (Job 38:8-9). God is asking Job who are you and where were you when I created the earth, along with everything in it. God's questions demonstrates God's power and control over everything. Even the smallest thing God can do Job cannot. Job gets it, "Then Job answered the Lord, "I am unworthy - how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer - twice, but I will say no more, " (Job 40: 3-5).

In chapter 42, Job replies again to the Lord, 

"I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, "Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?" Surely, I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, "Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me." My ears have heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore, I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes," (Job 42: 2-6). 

After this the Lord blessed Job and replaced his loss twice fold. 

Job was a righteous man, from human standards he was not a man who deserved hardship, and yet, God allowed Satan to test him. From Job's hardship, we can learn three lessons. 

Lesson #1: Live a Blameless Life

The Bible says Job was blameless. How can Job be blameless when we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23)? Job is not different than any other person on earth, he sinned, and he most definitely fell short of the glory of God. Yet, he was blameless. Job lived each day trying to honor God. This means that he was responsible for himself and did his part to not sin each day. Sin is going to happen and Job knew it would happen in the lives of his children, which is why Job 1:4-5 says Job purified his children and offered burnt sacrifices in case they had sinned. I believe he did this same process for himself. Each day he evaluated his actions and repented if he sinned. He also made conscious choices to live righteously, in a way that honored and praised God. Job was not perfect. He knew he wasn't perfect and he continually sought to bring himself closer to God. The lesson: we are going to sin, but how we respond to sin is going to determine if we are blameless or not. 

Lesson #2: Blameless Does Not Make You Exempt From Hardship

Job was blameless and because we know he is blameless we get to understand hardship is not always the result of our sin. The sin of other people can and will cause hardship that can affect our lives. If a spouse is unfaithful then their sin can break the heart of their wife or husband. A child born from infidelity can be hurt as well. Both parties are blameless, but still face hardship because someone else sinned. Hardship not caused by someone else's sin does not mean you are to blame. Job was blameless and he was struck with a serious illness. This hardship was not the result of sin. The lesson: being blameless does not mean you won't face hardship. 

Lesson #3: Our Response to Hardship Matters

When we undergo hardship we do not have the right to blame God. As Job found out, God made the earth and everything in it. No one, Satan included, can thwart His plans. God has allowed hardship, He may even have offered you up to Satan to be tested, but through it all, His plan will not be thwarted. At the end of Job, Job is restored. We too will be restored and God's blessing will return. Everything we are facing God has foreseen and planned for. The lesson: we need to wait, trust, and praise God in the midst of the storm. 

The Bible tells the stories of many characters and each character teaches a new method. I am in a place of hardship and I plan on studying the characters who faced hardship. Today I started with Job. Who should I look at next? 

*All Bible verses were taken from Bible Gateway and are New Living Translation (NIV).  

Life Lemons

What do you do when life gives you lemons? No, not lemons. When in a single moment your whole world feels like it is crashing down around you? That is more than lemons. Maybe the equivalent of life throwing a dozen or more bricks at you. What do you do when this happens?

Three days ago my life was relatively fine. I had complaints, we all have complaints, but overall my life was good. Then in a moment it all changed. It felt like someone had kicked a stool out from under me. My heart fell and my face was hot. In a single moment my life was no longer ok. Everything I thought I knew had suddenly changed. 

The last three days have been challenging. Extra challenging since I seem to have the flu too. Although, the flu symptoms may be physical manifestations of emotional turmoil. Regardless of the source, I have been physically and emotionally drained. I am usually quite guarded with my emotions and rarely cry in front of anyone. Yet, the last few days my tears have been free flowing and there doesn’t seem to be an end to it either. 

So what do you do when your heart is broken and you’re angry? Angry at God because at any moment He could have changed the outcome. Angry because He could have prevented a return, He could have changed hearts, and angry because He allowed a heart to love unconditionally just for it to end up hurt. I prayed so long for restoration and this month I finally felt close. Three days ago that prayer, that hope, were dashed to pieces. Smashed against a stone, along with my heart. 

I am struggling. My heart is heavy. Yet, I am reminded God has a plan greater than me or my plan. I am much too close to see God’s plan. All I can see is the storm. The storm rages around me and I must learn to find peace. To quiet my heart and to trust God to uphold His will, working everything for my good. Letting go isn’t easy. I want to take up my sword and fight, but it is not my battle to win. 

This is difficult to accept. Yet, how can I preach God’s plan or our need to wait if I don’t do that same when it is my time? All feels lost and I struggle to recognize hope. Yet, I know I need to do it this way. For once I need to let go and let God. Letting go is so hard, but I will do my best to document this journey. Perhaps, my mess can be God’s message. 

2018 is ending and 2019 is beginning. What are your struggles as you look forward to 2019? What are your blessings? 

A Brief Update

It does not seem like it has been nearly two years since I last posted. Yet, in just a few days it will be 2019, which means this post will be published almost 2 years to the day of my last post. I believe my last post was about resolutions. So what has happened in the last couple of years?

Two days after my last post, on January 13th of 2017, my dad was diagnosed with Guillain Barret Syndrome, also known as GBS. GBS is an autoimmune disorder that occurs after exposure to a virus that either signals the autoimmune response or tricks the body into the autoimmune response. The autoimmune response? Essentially your immune system starts attacking your nervous system and as a result paralysis happens. GBS tends to start in your limbs, specially your legs, and the paralysis then spreads up your body. In my dad’s case, he started to lose feeling in his legs and arms, which led to complete paralysis from the neck down. Fortunately, GBS is treatable and the symptoms are usually reversible. Most of 2017 was spent taking care of my dad in the hospital, in rehab, and at home. Shortly after my dad’s symptoms had disappeared and he was relatively healed, my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer. She never acted terribly worried, but her prognosis was in question, especially when her lymph nodes showed cancer too. 2017 ended with our family not sure what 2018 would look like.

That brings us to this year, which will end in a few short days. My aunt made enough progress on chemo that she was able to have surgery to remove the cancer. Her surgery went well and she was prescribed light doses of chemo throughout the year to take care of any remaining cancer cells. Then in July my grandma was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, which had spread throughout her entire body in her lymph nodes. Her prognosis was not good. Yet, just like with my aunt, her chemo was successful enough for surgery. Last month she had extensive surgery, which hopefully removed the cancer. She will still undergo chemo, but we are hopeful this is the end of it. 2018 is ending with my aunt officially cancer free and hopefully 2019 will start with my grandma cancer free.

The last two years have not been without progress and joy. At the end of 2017 I received a promotion at work and I started grad school. I have been blessed with success in my grad school classes and look forward to obtaining my master’s degree in spring of 2019.

When Resolutions Fail

What do you do when your resolutions fail? If resolutions are signifiers of progress and you are standing still, or worse going backwards, how do you stop the trajectory and move in the right direction? How do you get up daily and continue to fight for your resolutions when you feel defeated?

This is where I am and I can assure you I don't have the answers to these questions. My resolutions were mostly ongoing and things I hoped to realize this year. Then last week everything came crashing down around me and when Friday came I was ready to throw in the towel. I went to bed feeling absolutely defeated. I knew I wasn't, it was just one of those life moments when you are temporarily knocked down, but still it is difficult to rise up to fight when you already feel down for the count. In these moments I am reminded of advice given to me by a friend, who was literally fighting for his life. I asked him how he managed to keep his spirits up and to keep fighting when his body was so sick and it seemed easier to give up. He told me that you don't just get to give up and that even when you don't want to that you have to keep trying. In essence, without taking extreme measures like suicide, you have no other option except to get up everyday. You have the choice to be miserable about it or to see the silver lining, but you don't get to choose to give up.

In this moment, I have no choice except to wake up daily, my beating heart essentially decides that one, but from there I am free to choose how I am going to face my failure in my resolutions. Do I decide these are not the resolutions for me or do I decide they are worth for fighting for? The answer to these questions varies on the person and the resolutions they have. For me, my choice is the later, to keep fighting for the goals I have set for myself, but I am realizing that I need to change my approach. For some resolutions, the means to obtain them is outside of my control and I need to change my outlook on the resolutions and my means to fight for their realization. You can hit your head on a wall everyday for the rest of your life, but it isn't going to get you any closer to your goals.

I don't have answers to my questions, but I know I need to keep my head up and do my best to keep fighting for my resolutions. I need to recognize my limitations and work towards making progress on realistic goals. One example of this is I am trying to get in the habit of working out regularly and overall live a healthier lifestyle. I find working out regularly a difficult task because usually I am tired and I have little motivation to do much at the end of the day. This last week I was able to work out twice and next week I will try to work out at least three times. Sometimes you need to be realistic and make goals that are achievable. Progress on little goals is a way to build up momentum and keep making progress on larger goals. 

It is the second week of January, how are your resolutions going? 

Resolutions: Planning To Keep

Yesterday I mentioned that resolutions are often not kept. Resolutions are forgotten or fail because we don't plan for them to succeed or we make them to vague to start. We can't simply resolve to live healthier lives or to succeed in our careers. If we want success then we need to create an action plan with achievable goals. Our action plan has to be more than get a promotion at work and should be comprised of real steps we can take towards that resolution. Real steps might be working later, taking on a new project, or asking for advice from a senior employee. These are steps we can realistically take to achieve our resolution of succeeding further in our career. The same is true for other resolutions like living healthier or learning a new skill. The first step to success is creating an action plan.

Nehemiah, a governor of Persian Judea, had a resolution to rebuild Jerusalem after it was destroyed by enemies. Nehemiah did not live in Jerusalem, but when he heard about the devastation, he was resolved to fix it. Nehemiah started the path to success by creating an action plan. The book of Nehemiah tells us that Nehemiah started his action plan by praying to God. When he knew he had God's blessing, he created a plan to succeed. He prayed continuously throughout the execution of his plan and spent time thinking about the logistics of what needed to happen in order for him to be successful. A certain amount of his plan was impossible in the sense that he would be unable to do it alone and needed God's blessing to influence the hearts of men. Nehemiah proved that it is ok to have an action plan with steps that we can't complete on our own, but that we need to have steps we can do too. The purpose of an action plan is to take real steps to achieve our goals and allow God to do what we can't. 

Financial Goal Planning Page

Some of my resolutions this year are financial goals that I would like to achieve in 2017. I am utilizing a bullet journal notebook in order to document and plan for the success of these goals. This notebook is my action plan. In it I can write down steps I need to take to succeed, document my progress, and know where I can't go any further on my own and where I need to faithfully turn it over to God. These financial goals are ongoing for 2017 and if I don't complete each step then I am not likely to have the success at the end of the year, but there is also room for miracles. I know there will be times when success will seem impossible, but I also know in those times God will provide for me when there didn't seem to be a way. I know this because God always provides for His children. 

Weekly Layout

Another resolution is just to be able to get more done and to have success in other areas of my life. Again, I am using that notebook to schedule in tasks and realistic steps I can take throughout the year to be more successful. I know that planning is not for everyone, but if you want to see success in your resolutions then I encourage you to create an action plan, document your success, and commit the rest to God. 

If you would like to see more of my bullet journal, or are interested in how I use it to complete resolutions, leave a comment below and I will include it in future posts.