Journey to Bethlehem: An Advent Challenge

Day 9: Read Matthew 1:18-21

The Birth of Jesus Christ

Matthew 1:18-21 begins to reveal the events leading up to the birth of Jesus. Mary, mother of Jesus, was engaged to be married to Joseph, but before she could marry him she found out she was pregnant by the Holy Spirit. Joseph was a good man, he didn't want to damage Mary's reputation, and so he planned on divorcing her secretly. While Joseph is thinking of his plan, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and told him, "Joseph, descendent of David, don't be afraid to take Mary as your wife, because the baby in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."

Mary was a virgin when she was engaged to Joseph, which means that her pregnancy was an indication of unfaithfulness on her part. This was an insult to Joseph and something he could have had her punished for, but scripture says that Joseph was a good man. He didn't want anything to happen to Mary or for her to be disgraced by society and so he made up his mind he would divorce her in secret. This seems to be a logical plan to protect both of their reputations within their society, but God intervenes because Mary was a good woman and she was a virgin. In a dream God allows Joseph in on His plan for Mary and her son Jesus. This passage doesn't give Joseph's reaction to the dream, but we know that he goes on to marry Mary and that he is present during Jesus's early childhood.

There will be times when, like Mary, we are faced with a seemingly impossible reality and the outcome of that reality is dependent upon another person. God has made His will clear and so it will be done, but sometimes the outcome of His will directly effects the people in our lives. The people in our lives could react negatively, perhaps even plan on distancing themselves from us, but this passage shows us that God will protect those relationships we need in our lives. God revealed His plan for Mary to Joseph and He can reveal His plan for us to other people too, which in turn results in their support. Mary could have raised Jesus without Joseph, God would have seen her through, but instead He allowed her to keep Joseph's presence in her life. Take heart: An impossible reality is not impossible with God and He is willing to include others in His plan to ensure their continued presence in our lives. 

Step Out In Faith

There were consequences and there still are, circumstances are no longer in my favor, and I am not prepared. Today has been confusing, trying to understand why circumstances have changed, and trying to think of how I am going to deal with tomorrow. Tomorrow I will face the unpleasantness from earlier this week. What I have learned is that God might grant us a reprieve, but there will come a time when we have to deal with it. Looking back I regret asking God to change the circumstances because it only postponed the inevitable. A few hours of discomfort, with easy escape, are replaced with a day and no chance for escape. It is evident that it isn't wise to try to avoid something.

That said, even this is a part of God's plan, and as He writes my story I need to step out in faith, trusting He is there. There are those that say I don't have to deal with this, even that I shouldn't, and none that understand why I have to. I don't even understand why I have to do this, but I do. Tomorrow will be a test of everything I have and though I am scared, I have to go. I have to confront my fear and face reality. Tomorrow serves some purpose larger than me. I can't see it and I can't imagine the outcome, but I know it is there.

Faith is believing in God. Knowing that He is ABLE and GOING to do all that He said He would. I might not know His plan for tomorrow, but I do know that He said He is working it out fro my good and that means He is going to, even if isn't the way I imagined. God told Abraham, Moses, and Noah to trust Him and act in faith. They didn't fail Him, their stories were written, and are still told today. God is asking me to trust Him now too and I won't fail Him.

I don't know what you're being called to do, what you're afraid of, or even God's plan for your life, but I do know He is asking you to trust Him and step out in faith. He will be there to catch you if you should fall or to lift you on wings of eagles and let you soar. 

Victory In An Apple

A week ago I shared my victory over an apple, but continued to take precautions until I felt confident I wouldn't have a reaction, which meant frequent monitored exposures to apples. Over the last ten days I have eaten apples six of those days. I became confident that I no longer would have a reaction to apples and then yesterday I had a reaction. The reaction wasn't severe, but it definitely got my attention. At that moment I could have given up and decided the last four exposures were a fluke, but I didn't. Today, with faith, I ate an apple again and didn't have a reaction.

This reminded me of the negative reactions we have to life's stressors. As Christians, our hearts are supposed to be changed, we are to live righteous lives, and then life hits us: in one moment we forget and we react negatively. In this moment we can choose to let our reaction define us and admit defeat or we can get up, head held high, and try again. God wants our faith to be so strong that we would find the strength to try again, knowing that God is developing our hearts continuously. 

Renewal

Yesterday was difficult, all night long I laid awake, and for most of today I was upset. I'll admit I behaved like a spoiled child, even thinking juvenile things that were contrary to my knowledge and belief about God. I continued to pray, not even knowing what to say, but knowing that I needed to fix my relationship with God. Part of my anger was in the fact that I was praying and not receiving any answers. Right now I don't know if this was a test, the way Satan tested Job, or if this is another step in God's plan for me and I am just too close to recognize it as such.

But today, as I watched a reenactment of Jesus' death, I couldn't help but think that Jesus' wouldn't have endured all of that to just be mean now. As I stated earlier I was behaving like a spoiled child and was angry when I didn't get what I wanted. Now I still don't understand the purpose behind it, but I'm willing to wait to see what it is. And I'm experiencing a renewed sense of hope, hope that I thought was completely gone with yesterday. Hope was found in the completion of a simple task and anticipation for dreams not yet seen.

So my crisis of faith lasted about 24 hours and I know to some that might not seem like much, but it was the longest 24 hours of my life and took a considerable toll on me. I want everyone to know that crises happen, we are human, but how we respond determines how we deal with our relationship with God going forward. From the beginning I took everything to God. I told Him I was angry and that I felt betrayed. God is big enough to handle our anger, but we need to respectful and to not sin in our anger. I admitted that how I felt didn't seem like the God I knew, but that I couldn't make sense of this any other way. I expressed my desire for understanding as a means of restoring my relationship with Him. My prayers weren't answered immediately, but I continued to pray anyways, even when I couldn't find the words.

I really have no idea about tomorrow, but I have a renewed sense of hope and willingness to wait for things not yet seen. 

A Lesson In Prayer

In the morning, on day three, as Jesus and His disciples went along, the disciples noticed the fig tree from the day before withered from the roots. Peter remembered yesterday and said to Jesus, "Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!" (Mark 11: 20-21). Peter had been with Jesus a long time, he had witnessed many of Jesus' miracles, and yet he was still surprised by the withered fig tree. I think sometimes we take God's presence for granted and forget all of things He has already done in our lives. Peter, who had walked on water with Jesus, was surprised Jesus' curse of the fig tree left it withered from the roots. His surprise makes no sense, considering all of the things he witnessed, and yet it happened. A lack of faith in God is possible and can happen to anyone.

Jesus answered Peter, "Have faith in God. Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go throw yourself into the sea' and does not doubt in their heart, but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins," (Mark 11: 22-25). Jesus could have rebuked Peter and reminded him of all of the miracles he had already witnessed, but instead He took the time to teach Peter and the other disciples about the power of prayer that rises from a faithful heart. Jesus loved His disciples enough to teach them and to leave them with lessons they could use when He was gone.

Jesus and His disciples continued on their journey, with the intent to spend the night in Bethany again, but one of the twelve, named Judas Iscariot, went instead to the chief priests. He asked them, "What are you willing to give to me to betray Him to you?" (Matthew 26: 14-16). The chief priest then weighed out thirty pieces of silver to him. Each time I read this, I am amazed at the willingness of Judas Iscariot to betray Jesus. Jesus was his friend, his teacher, and his traveling companion. How could he betray Jesus so easily? I don't have an answer, but I suspect it has to do with greed and the deceitfulness of the heart. 

Joseph

In life we will encounter struggle and how we respond will become a testimony to the people around us. Tonight, I'm thinking about Joseph. Joseph experienced 3 major struggles that we know about: his brothers sold him into slavery, then he was thrown into prison falsely accused of seducing a powerful man's wife, and finally he was responsible for feeding an entire nation during a 7 year famine. At any point Joseph could have responded in anger, after all the situations were unfair, but instead he made the best of it and succeeded. We might not like our circumstances, but we should respond as children of God, maintaining a righteous life.

When struggle is upon us, our tendency as humans is to kick in our heels and complain how unfair it is. We throw our wait around and whine about the circumstances. As children we are taught that things should be made fair ("Share with your friends or siblings"), but the reality is life isn't fair. I could spend time thinking about how much better everything would be if life were fair, but it would be time wasted because I can't change how life works, only how I respond to it.  Accepting life isn't fair and that the situations we encounter won't necessarily be fair either will save us time.

Struggle is a part of life and it won't always be fair, but learning to withstand and live righteous lives will change how struggle affects us. Our ability to withstand is made possible by God's promise to work everything together for the good of those who love God. Struggle strengths our faith and builds endurance. Struggle is invaluable to our lives. Joseph knew this and endured all of his struggles without compromising his integrity. At the end of his struggles he was in a position of power, able to help others, and had grown wise enough to know the importance of forgiveness.

 

Joseph forgave his brothers, the very brothers who had sold him into slavery, and bestowed his wealth on him. If he had mistreated them, almost all would have understood, but he didn't. Instead he was merciful, forgiving, and kind to his brothers. Joseph's response is perfect, "Who am I? I am not God. You intended to do me harm, but God intended it for good." Vengeance belongs to God, the only one qualified to judge, and he is just. Further, the malicious actions and intentions of others can and are easily worked together for the good.

Forgiveness is hard. I spent the first 20 years of my life struggling to forgive. Then one day I decided I had carried the anger around long enough and I forgave the people who hurt me. Forgiveness benefited me the most and set my heart free. When I struggle to forgive someone I remember God, who is perfect, forgave me so how much more should I be willing to forgive others. Forgiveness isn't easy, but it is a choice you should make today.

Permission Granted

Bags are packed and I am ready for this journey of faith. If you read my welcome post then you probably remember that my recent hurt and struggle have convinced me to start a daily journey to discover God. Last night, I felt plagued by hurt and struggled with my emotions. I desperately wanted to express myself, to communicate to certain people in my life that they hurt me, and to start the path of restoration in these relationships. Yesterday, and this morning, I was conflicted over my desire to express myself. I thought expressing my hurt meant I wasn't showing forgiveness. My desire is to be like Jesus and Jesus forgives, always. Forgiveness is my priority, but there are still all of these emotions associated with the hurt. Not to mention, how do you repair a relationship without acknowledging the hurt?

All night and morning I was plagued by this conflict. I prayed, I reviewed scripture, but still I felt uncertain. Finally, I was drawn to Google and entered the search "Is it Christian to express your hurt?". I was desperate for answers. I have spent much of my life feeling I didn't have permission to express my hurt, that I should forgive and forget, but I couldn't escape the desire to express myself. I needed permission. I read a few articles (How do I respond to someone who hurt me? and Do Yourself A Favor...Forgive: An Interview With Joyce Meyer) and came to the conclusion that I had permission to be honest about my feelings. I could express the hurt these people had caused me as long as I did so in the context of restoration. Expressing myself to them and their reaction to my expression could not influence my forgiveness of them and I could not seek vengeance. After all, "'Vengeance is mine,' said the Lord" (Romans 12:19). 

This morning, I accepted my first lesson:  I had permission to express myself, and expressed my hurt to two people who had hurt me. Only one responded, but there was this sense of relief after I expressed myself. In one relationship there is restoration and peace. That is enough for now. God is at work in the other one's heart and I trust when the time is right there will be restoration in that relationship too.

Trust. Trust has always been an interesting concept to me. I have struggled my entire life with trust. This struggle with trust is not specific to my relationship with God, but just a general characteristic of my personality. Tonight, watching the Big Valley Grace sermon on Abraham by Pastor Gordon Rumble, I was struck by the trust Abraham showed in his life. It was in the middle of this sermon that I learned my second lesson for the day. The second lesson is this: to have faith and to trust God. To not focus on my plan, the whens, the whys, or the hows, but rather to focus on God. Abraham went when he didn't know where he was going. If he can have faith then so can I.

Welcome!

Welcome! I'm an independent, Christian woman with many passions. I have been a Christian since I was five years old and made the decision to accept Jesus into my heart. Since then I have learned many lessons as I walk this journey of faith. Throughout my childhood and adolescence I attended church as well as all of the Christian groups available in my area. I also spent my summers at Redwood Christian Camp. Yet, I learned the most about faith and my relationship with God when I was away at college. It was when I was on my own, completely free to make my own choices, that I realized how much I still needed to learn. Now, I should clarify that I was never forced to attend church, Christian groups for adolescents, or Christian summer camps, but I also can't deny that these activities weren't expected either. I'm also not complaining. The faith-based activities I was involved in served as a strong foundation for my relationship with God and introduced me to other Christians my age. I also enjoyed many wonderful experiences and created lasting memories with my friends.

I think of my childhood and adolescence as foundation for my faith, but it was in college that my faith blossomed. I was faced with unique challenges that taught me more lessons than attending a service at church. The diversity of the student population at University of California Davis was much more diverse than the student population at my high school or in my home town. There were new ethnicities, new languages, and new religions that I was exposed to. This was a fairly big adjustment for me and the biggest challenge was the language barrier. For many of the students I encountered English was their second language and was a language they were still learning. It wasn't until I was exposed to these differences that I realized how intolerant I was. Now, this was a startling realization because I had always believed I was loving and accepting person. Of course, just being around all these differences led to an increase in tolerance, but the biggest change came from realizing God loved all of these people and I should too.

This particular lesson and change in my faith was tested when I came home from college. It was when I came home that I realized my intolerance was rooted in my family and the culture of my town. I don't think my family, or even my town for that matter, meant to be intolerant, but not being exposed to different people hardened their hearts. I can testify that my own heart was hardened and underwent a dramatic softening. Yes, I met opposition from people, but I knew that I was doing the right thing and I trusted God let me to this decision. Unfortunately, I still had yet to learn true forgiveness and my heart was hardened again for a time. I was filled with anger and hatred for the people who had caused me hurt and discomfort. I was angry at the decisions they made and couldn't understand their purpose in making these decisions. A lack of understanding is often a source of the greatest anger. Eventually, unwilling to be controlled by my anger anymore, I forgave the people responsible for my hurt and struggle. It was a tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders. Truly, I was the prisoner set free.

I will admit since then my faith has been tested many many times. I have struggled to regain my footing only to be knocked down again. The last three years have been a tremendous test of my faith and trust in God. It has been during these times of greatest struggle that I have learned the most about my relationship with God. Recently, I have been experiencing a struggle I didn't expect and therefore hadn't prepared for. For all intensive purposes I am doing well, but there are moments when I feel defeated in this struggle. It was here, in the middle of my struggle, that I read a friend's blog Discover Lent With Me and thought it might be healthy to go on a journey myself. I decided that to discover what God was trying to teach me each day was a journey worth taking. 

This blog is my journey and I hope you join me as I travel this journey of faith, discovering what God is trying to teach me in this life He has given me.