Motives have been weighed a lot these last couple of weeks. Today, I woke up upset and realized I was upset because someone else's motives were questionable. I realized they were trying to put me in a bad position and I said no, not because I recognized their motives, but because I happened to be physically ill. Today, feeling better, I finally saw motives and became upset. There wasn't a quarrel, I didn't say a word, but I'm not going to be a pawn in someone else's game, especially when it means someone gets hurt.
Admittedly, I am frustrated and disappointed. I had prayed for this person and even last night I prayed again, this time that somehow their motives weren't wrong and I just didn't understand. Today I understand. His intentions no longer matter and I don't want an explanation. His motives, whatever they are, are wrong and would have led to someone getting hurt (emotionally, not physically) if I had allowed him to use me. I am reminded of Proverbs: if I hadn't watched my feet I would have been led into a trap. No, if God hadn't allowed me to be sick, I would have been led into a trap.
