Blessing In Sickness

Motives have been weighed a lot these last couple of weeks. Today, I woke up upset and realized I was upset because someone else's motives were questionable. I realized they were trying to put me in a bad position and I said no, not because I recognized their motives, but because I happened to be physically ill. Today, feeling better, I finally saw motives and became upset. There wasn't a quarrel, I didn't say a word, but I'm not going to be a pawn in someone else's game, especially when it means someone gets hurt.

Admittedly, I am frustrated and disappointed. I had prayed for this person and even last night I prayed again, this time that somehow their motives weren't wrong and I just didn't understand. Today I understand. His intentions no longer matter and I don't want an explanation. His motives, whatever they are, are wrong and would have led to someone getting hurt (emotionally, not physically) if I had allowed him to use me. I am reminded of Proverbs: if I hadn't watched my feet I would have been led into a trap. No, if God hadn't allowed me to be sick, I would have been led into a trap. 

Motives

Yesterday was hard and did not prepare me for what happened today. Today I hadn't decided on the unpleasantness from yesterday when it was decided for me. I knew what I needed to do and yet knowing doesn't prepare your heart. Yesterday I had made a bold decision to make things right and had felt confident as the plan unfolded. Unfortunately, the situation wasn't resolved when it needed to be. All day I prayed, asking for circumstances to be skewed in my favor, but I never expected what happened. 

The unpleasantness was transformed into awkwardness, circumstances shifted in my favor, and there was an evident need to make things right. My motives started out pure. My desire for resolution was based on the needs of a friend and no longer wishing to put him in the middle. I did my best to put aside my own desires. In the moment of establishing resolution my motive were pure. Unfortunately the moment didn't end there.

How can you propose friendship when every time you look at him you see the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? Motives quickly change when boundaries are blurred. It was have been different if resolution had been reached. I would have gone home. Instead I stayed, I waited for resolution to be reached, and allowed my heart to let its guard down. I allowed myself to fully feel the feelings I was feeling. Feelings I repressed for the last 2 months, since the last moment I tried for resolution.

Unfortunately, when you lose sight of your motives and start to play "chicken", someone always gets hurt. The best actions can be done with wrong motives and the worst with right motives. The truth is motives matter and God looks to your heart to see your motives. When your motives become muddled, you make poor choices, and you have to live with the consequences, which in this case is resolution postponed, the end of a friendship. 

Proverbs 16

Proverbs 16: Proverbs of Solomon (Cont.).

To humans belong the plan of the heart, but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue. All a person's ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans. The Lord works out everything to its proper end - even the wicked for a day of disaster. When the Lord takes pleasure in anyone's way, He causes their enemies to make peace with them. In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

Humans like to plan, but God should be the source of all of our plans. The Lord provides an answer for our tongues and weighs the motives of our hearts. God is not fooled by our plans, though they appear pure. Give everything you do over to the Lord and He will establish your plans. Do not worry if things don't go as planned for God is working everything out to its proper end, both good and bad. Be patient, fear the Lord, and be humble. God will cause your enemies to make peace.