Facing The Consequences

I hope this morning was not an answer to my prayer for reassurance because it reflected the opposite of my desire. This morning reflected reality and not the change I had been hoping for. Understandably, this upset me and was in the back of my mind this whole day. Sometimes I think God answers our prayers in ways that give insight into painful truths we have to face. News isn't as bad if you are warned of it first. 

I wanted to be angry, I wanted to say,"That isn't what I asked for," but instead I waited and allowed God the opportunity to explain His answer. I'm not sure I received an explanation, but I did get this overwhelming feeling that things had changed because of my mistake earlier this week. I started to pray, I wanted to ask for different circumstances, but I couldn't do it. I knew that I had made a mistake and I deserved the consequences, but that didn't stop my heart from breaking. I didn't want to pay the consequences, though I deserved them. 

Confession

The mistakes of yesterday turn into the consequences of today. Yesterday I made things worse when I tried to make it better. Motives are of little solace when the results are a mess. I think consequences would be easier to deal with if you didn't know they affected other people. The truth is our actions affect other people, good or bad our consequences affect them too. I am reminded of the two part confession: first confess to God and second confess to one another.

I don't know if what happened is a sin, but it definitely was a mistake that made a mess. Yesterday I confessed to God, though He watched me in my stupidity, and prayed for understanding. Today I had to confess my mistake to my friend. I had to admit my stupidity, my mess, and his continued presence in the middle. Within that moment there was the desire to tell him and also to not say a word, but personal responsibility means admitting your mistakes, especially when they affect other people.

I confessed and over the next few hours we talked. Tonight our friendship grew and I was able to find comfort in his perspective. He seemed confident in his assessment and I didn't have to hid how I was feeling. It was nice to be honest and to not feel judged. Confession doesn't have to be a disaster or a burden. Instead it can be the release of shame and the opportunity for peace.