November Challenge: Day 18

I apologize that this is another late night post. This evening was one of those evenings that I didn't want to deal with a situation and was dreading it all day. Then tonight that situation ended in a huge blow up. The details of what happened are not important, but rather the results. Tonight, I was doing a  favor for my mom ( I'll add a favor I didn't want to do) and helping my sister. I was never asked if I would help, but it was just assumed and I was already very upset about this. I don't think that you should expect more from someone when they have already helped you so much and I definitely think that if you want more that you should ask, not assume. That said I was putting my frustration aside and helping. Then in the moment of trying to help I was insulted and disrespected. In that moment I chose to establish and make clear boundaries. I wouldn't be talked to in that way and that as a result I was not going to help. 

Of course this decision resulted in a blow up, but I held my ground and for that I am grateful. I did what no one else has done and illustrated there are consequences for your actions. As a result, the people around me supported my decision, applauded it, and made clear that they would do the same.  This is something else that has never happened. I am grateful for the support because the night could have been a whole lot worse if they had given in like always. I am mentioning this because as I said before the results are important. I have a tendency to bend over backwards helping someone, to the point of it being an honest sacrifice for me, and people have a tendency to take advantage of me as a result. I try not to let this happen, but I am constantly feeling belittled as a result of helping others. I don't think this is how we should feel and I don't think this is how God envisioned us to live our lives. We are called to be meek like lambs, but shrewed like lions. 

Yes, we should help other people and take care of their needs. That said we are not other people's slaves. Jesus divided the loaves and fishes: He did not allow His disciples to go without. The disciples helped other people, but Jesus didn't require that they did everything everyone asked of them either. There is a line that is to be made and I think it is important that we make that line clear. Otherwise we end up as doormats and our once pure hearts become bitter. I have noticed this in my own heart. My compassion has become less as my heart has hardened, but tonight there was victory. I am aware this is only the beginning, but I know the importance in this victory and I will not allow myself to fail in establishing these necessary boundaries. 

With all of this said, I also need to confess my sin. Tonight, in my anger, I sinned. I didn't guard my tongue and I repeated a fact in a way that was designed to be hurtful. I shouldn't have made my comment because I only said it to make a hurtful point. The truth of the comment isn't as important as the intent behind it. I am not proud that I allowed the comments of another to cause me to sin. I believe my anger tonight would have been considered justified, but my response wasn't. I am not perfect and I still have a long ways to go, but I hope my honesty is encouragement to keep trying to live a life that brings honor to God. 

This is certainly not the grateful post I intended, but I am grateful and I hope everyone sees that in every moment there is an opportunity to be happy and to be grateful. Tonight is not the night I would have sat down to write about when thinking about thankfulness, but being intentionally grateful has made me see the gratitude I can have even in a moment such as tonight. What are you thankful for today? 

Step Out In Faith

There were consequences and there still are, circumstances are no longer in my favor, and I am not prepared. Today has been confusing, trying to understand why circumstances have changed, and trying to think of how I am going to deal with tomorrow. Tomorrow I will face the unpleasantness from earlier this week. What I have learned is that God might grant us a reprieve, but there will come a time when we have to deal with it. Looking back I regret asking God to change the circumstances because it only postponed the inevitable. A few hours of discomfort, with easy escape, are replaced with a day and no chance for escape. It is evident that it isn't wise to try to avoid something.

That said, even this is a part of God's plan, and as He writes my story I need to step out in faith, trusting He is there. There are those that say I don't have to deal with this, even that I shouldn't, and none that understand why I have to. I don't even understand why I have to do this, but I do. Tomorrow will be a test of everything I have and though I am scared, I have to go. I have to confront my fear and face reality. Tomorrow serves some purpose larger than me. I can't see it and I can't imagine the outcome, but I know it is there.

Faith is believing in God. Knowing that He is ABLE and GOING to do all that He said He would. I might not know His plan for tomorrow, but I do know that He said He is working it out fro my good and that means He is going to, even if isn't the way I imagined. God told Abraham, Moses, and Noah to trust Him and act in faith. They didn't fail Him, their stories were written, and are still told today. God is asking me to trust Him now too and I won't fail Him.

I don't know what you're being called to do, what you're afraid of, or even God's plan for your life, but I do know He is asking you to trust Him and step out in faith. He will be there to catch you if you should fall or to lift you on wings of eagles and let you soar. 

Facing The Consequences

I hope this morning was not an answer to my prayer for reassurance because it reflected the opposite of my desire. This morning reflected reality and not the change I had been hoping for. Understandably, this upset me and was in the back of my mind this whole day. Sometimes I think God answers our prayers in ways that give insight into painful truths we have to face. News isn't as bad if you are warned of it first. 

I wanted to be angry, I wanted to say,"That isn't what I asked for," but instead I waited and allowed God the opportunity to explain His answer. I'm not sure I received an explanation, but I did get this overwhelming feeling that things had changed because of my mistake earlier this week. I started to pray, I wanted to ask for different circumstances, but I couldn't do it. I knew that I had made a mistake and I deserved the consequences, but that didn't stop my heart from breaking. I didn't want to pay the consequences, though I deserved them. 

Confession

The mistakes of yesterday turn into the consequences of today. Yesterday I made things worse when I tried to make it better. Motives are of little solace when the results are a mess. I think consequences would be easier to deal with if you didn't know they affected other people. The truth is our actions affect other people, good or bad our consequences affect them too. I am reminded of the two part confession: first confess to God and second confess to one another.

I don't know if what happened is a sin, but it definitely was a mistake that made a mess. Yesterday I confessed to God, though He watched me in my stupidity, and prayed for understanding. Today I had to confess my mistake to my friend. I had to admit my stupidity, my mess, and his continued presence in the middle. Within that moment there was the desire to tell him and also to not say a word, but personal responsibility means admitting your mistakes, especially when they affect other people.

I confessed and over the next few hours we talked. Tonight our friendship grew and I was able to find comfort in his perspective. He seemed confident in his assessment and I didn't have to hid how I was feeling. It was nice to be honest and to not feel judged. Confession doesn't have to be a disaster or a burden. Instead it can be the release of shame and the opportunity for peace.