November Challenge: Day 4

Happy Wednesday! I am thankful it is half-way through my work week. I am also happy that the weather has dramatically cooled down since last week. It is amazing the difference a few days can make on something. This is a helpful truth to remember when we are looking on our circumstances. A day can change anything from the weather to your own unique circumstances. In a day you can lose everything or gain the whole world. This is a scary thought to me, but it is also a comforting thought because our circumstances are not the end and this is a reality that we should all be thankful for. This year has been a year of difficult circumstances, tremendous change, and general upheaval in my life. If you have read my blog from the beginning than you are familiar with my hardships and if not, well than you are likely familiar with your own hardships. Today I spent time reflecting on my present circumstances and just how much has happened in this year, including every moment of sadness and every moment of joy. 

Our matching stamps from an aquarium trip

It is in this remembrance of the moments that brought me joy that I find today's blessing. Today I am thankful for the one I love, the one who can always make me laugh, and who makes my heart skip a beat every time I am with him. There have been plenty of moments that have brought me heartache, especially this year, but he can always bring a smile to my face and I am grateful for him. I love that I can be in a serious mood and he can look at me, say something random, and I can enter into that moment with him laughing. Yes, there are times when that random word or phrase is distracting and counterproductive to our conversation, but I am grateful that he knows the importance of not taking himself seriously. 

 With all of our ups and downs, I am grateful for the one who makes me laugh. What are you thankful for today?

Memories

I don't know what to say. Today, I have been sad. Not in tears, not lying in bed, but just beneath everything I felt sadness. There wasn't any reason, as in nothing had happened, but the sadness was still there. Before I get comments about depression or referrals for anti-depressants, I am not depressed. The sadness I feel today is a longing for the one I love, remembering so many wonderful memories, and a desire for restoration. There is also this intense need to get away, away from the places we shared, and just be somewhere else. I want to be far away this minute and yet I have responsibilities that keep me here. I dream of travel, of seeing new places, and meeting new people. My fear of loneliness when I travel alone can't stop me. I must face my fear and accommodate traveling alone. If only because I need to get away. I need change and moving doesn't seem an option. 

I share these moments because I never want anyone to feel ashamed when they experience feelings of sadness. Sadness will happen in each of our lives, but sadness isn't a place we have to stay in. When I feel sad, I pray and I give it all over to God. I can't change the circumstances I am in, but I can pray and God can change the situation. He can either change the circumstances I am in or change my perception of these circumstances. When you feel sad, do not be ashamed, for sadness is a temporary state that can change the moment you begin to pray.

Death and Longing

Following Jesus on His journey during the last week of His life has been incredibly interesting. I already knew what had happened and could probably have even provided a fairly accurate description of each day, but researching His last week has made me feel I was on this journey with Him. I know what has happened since His death, but as I took this journey I experienced real emotions of sadness. Here, this man who had only loved and served others, was condemned, persecuted, and crucified. If anyone didn't deserve death, it was Jesus, yet it was Him that was nailed to that cross. There is this undeniable feeling that what happened on the cross was unfair, both in past and in current circumstances, but Jesus didn't care. He allowed Himself to be denied, to be nailed to a cross, and to die on a cross for us, all of us. Incredible sacrifice and love is being shown for us in this moment.

If I had been there with Jesus, if I had been one of His disciples, I would have been so grieved today. I would have known what Jesus said, but I would not have anticipated His resurrection. It isn't that I wouldn't have believed everything Jesus had said, just that I wouldn't have been able to comprehend based on my understanding of life. For in life, things that are living die, and the things that die do not live again. Yet, Jesus raised Lazarus from his death during His ministry and showed that with God, anything was possible. So perhaps, having seen Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead, I would have believed Jesus could rise from the dead too. Whether I believed or not, I know I would have experienced intense sadness waiting for Jesus and a longing for Him to return.