On The Wings Of Angels I Can Fly

Today I made the decision to walk away. If you have been reading my journey from the beginning then you are familiar with the story of my heartache. If you haven't then here is a recap: about 7 months ago the one I loved walked out of my life without an explanation and 5 months ago he started seeing someone else. It wasn't until this point, 5 months ago, that I knew it was even over and it was about this time that I decided to document my journey of faith. It wasn't about him, but because he consumed so much of my thoughts it became focused on lessons of forgiveness and love. The last 7 months I have tried desperately to find understanding and to achieve restoration of what I believe is rightfully mine, as much as a person can belong to you. This has led to a lot of heartache and inconsolable pain. Every reminder is a kidney punch and today I had enough. 

I made the decision to walk away from prayers that kept my thoughts focused on him. I didn't stop caring about his well-being or restoration, but daily praying for him kept him at the forefront of my thoughts. I made the decision to walk away from my study of the characteristics of love because each principle only reminded me of him. I didn't walk away from him or from restoration. Instead I  made the decision to hand it all over to God and to walk away so He could do what He wanted with it. I'm not giving up on love or advocating for love to be unfaithful, but rather I am choosing to be like Hosea. He allowed Gomer to go, to be unfaithful, and when God said it was time then he renewed his love for her. No matter how much I want that time to be now it just isn't.

This wasn't a decision I reached lightly and it involved more than a few tears mingled with prayers. I even enlisted the prayers of my friend because dealing with this alone has made me feel like I am drowning. This decision was made easier by the realization that on the wings of angels I can fly. I had spent the morning at iFly, an indoor skydiving facility, and faced my fears. I wasn't afraid of skydiving, but afraid that the "falling" associated with skydiving was the same as the drop of a roller coaster. There is a part of me that wanted to chicken out, but I faced my fears and I experience flying. 

Is there a decision you face today that scares you? Take heart, pray, and enlist the support of your friends or family. You are not alone. If you want me to pray for you specifically please let me know.