November Challenge: Day 7

Today I am thankful for friendships. The last two weeks I have been struggling with something that happened in my personal life and I haven't felt able to talk to anyone about the situation. I knew of a few people that I could talk to, even people I wanted to talk to, but in my heart I knew that I couldn't talk to anyone about what happened. There was shame and a fear of judgment, which made me withdraw from relationships. I didn't know how to be honest when answering friend's questions without telling them about what had happened. This was something I struggled with for the last two weeks and something I spent a lot of time praying about. Last night and this morning my prayers were answered in the unexpected text message of a friend. I was able to be honest with her without revealing my personal struggle, but God knew that I needed to talk to her about what had happened and prompted her to keep asking questions that eventually led to the truth. I needed to unload what I had been feeling for the last two weeks and have them understand. I told my friend everything that had happened and I didn't feel judgement or shame. It was a relief to not carry that burden alone anymore. 

Scripture teaches us that God wants us to have these relationships and these friendships so that when we stumble we have someone to help us back up. God gave us marriage so that we had a partner for life, but He also gave us friendships because it isn't good for human beings to be alone. I have a tendency to forget the importance of these relationships, but I sure am grateful God didn't forget. He sent me my friend when I needed her and for the first time in two weeks I feel I can go forward stronger. Today I am very thankful for friendship. What are you thankful for today?

Personal Responsibility

Today is about a lesson in personal responsibility. Personal responsibility is hard to come by in recent years. It doesn't matter who you are, taking responsibility for your actions without passing blame is difficult. I don't know why taking responsibility is so hard and that isn't saying taking personal responsibility is easy for me. I just mean that I don't have an easy explanation for why it is so hard. Is it pride, fear of judgment, an obsession with other people's opinions? Whatever the reason, taking personal responsibility is difficult, but is necessary for strong relationships with God and others.

Today I was challenged to identify areas I needed to take responsibility for my actions, to pray and become right with God, and then to take responsibility for my actions with the people I had wronged. I attempted to do this, but nothing weighed on my heart and I even prayed for God to show me. It isn't that I haven't wronged anyone, but that I try to take responsibility and apologize when my actions have wounded someone. There is one relationship I am seeking to restore and so my intent is to ask him directly if there is any hurt I have caused that wasn't made amends for. The opportunity didn't present itself today, but when it does I am prepared to take responsibility.

I went about today and then was reminded of another person. The feelings I felt towards this person were unpleasant and I realized I was on the verge of hating this person. I took responsibility for these feelings and asked God to help me deal with these feelings. Part of that was exploring why I was feeling the way I was. Now that I am aware of these feelings and have some understanding of the reasons behind these feelings, I can take responsibility and hopefully prevent these feelings from turning into actions. 

I don't really have answers and there are more than a few loose ends, but I know that I need to take personal responsibility for all of my actions and feelings. This is what I can control, this is what I can do to make my relationships right with God and others.