40-Day Detox: The Power of Prayer

I apologize that I didn't post an update sooner. I sat down to write this post, but honestly I didn't know what to say. Or how to express progress when it doesn't feel like any progress has been made. It has been 17 days since I started this journey, which means I am almost to the halfway mark and I thought I would have made more progress by this point. Not measuring up to expectations is never easy to deal with and can lead to disappointment. That is the point I was at when I sat down to write this update on Saturday and as a result I didn't post anything. My intention, when I sat down at my computer tonight, was not to write an update or even a post, but then I realized I had made progress.

Progress is not always measurable. Sometimes progress is just a slow increase in desired response and not something we even notice until it is complete. I had been measuring my progress by the results I could record and put on paper, but the results I wanted are not something that can be measured. Yes, I could measure my healthy eating habits and exercise, but the mental and spiritual progress I wanted is not something that can be measured. I know that I have not made progress on eating healthier or getting more exercise and that is an area I need to improve upon. But I have made progress in other areas. Tonight, as I sat down, I realized that I am happier than I was before this journey, I am learning to trust God more, and I am seeing spiritual truths happening in my life. 

I have always believed in the power of prayer, but during those times in my life when God seems silent, I know that my faith wavers. The last few weeks I have felt that God has been silent and I honestly didn't know what to think about my circumstances. I continued to pray, but I felt lost. In last week's post I reflected on my experience of honestly praying to God, in absolute silence, and having a wonderful experience of Him answering my prayers. He didn't answer immediately or directly, but when I received my answers, it was undeniable that it was God. Then last week I spent time in Max Lucado's devotional on the power of a simple prayer. My prayers last week were not necessarily short or simple, but they were heartfelt expressions of my circumstances that I decided to lay at God's feet. 

The strange thing is that after I prayed God again answered my prayers. Everything seemed to fall into place and my worries seemed to come to an end. Then a few days later everything fell apart and I honestly didn't know what to make of it. Suddenly, my answers were gone and I seemed to be back at square one. Again I prayed and I did my best to leave my concerns in that prayer, replacing worry with hope. Once again, my prayers were answered or at least mostly answered. Everything isn't solved by all means, but there are solutions in place and my concerns are being worked out. Prayer is powerful, but if we expect immediate results than chances are that we aren't going to see progress. We are going to imagine our prayers haven't been heard or aren't being answered and we are going to miss the little ways God has communicated with us along the way to our prayers being answered.

Journey to Bethlehem: An Advent Challenge

Day 7: Read Luke 1:18-25

Zechariah and Elizabeth

Luke 1:18-25 finishes the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth. The angel appeared to Zechariah and told him that he would have a son, but Zechariah was skeptical. He questioned the angel because his wife and him were too old to have children. The angel tells him that he is Gabriel, an angel that stands before God, and that God has sent him to tell Zechariah the good news. Zechariah's unbelief can't go unpunished and so the angel tells him that he won't be able to speak until his son is born. The people of Israel were waiting outside the temple and they were surprised Zechariah was so long in the temple. When he returned he was unable to speak and then the people knew he had seen a vision from the Lord. Zechariah finished his service in the temple and then he returned home. Later Elizabeth become pregnant and did not leave her house for 5 months. Elizabeth exclaimed, "Look what the Lord has done for me! My people were ashamed of me, but now the Lord has taken away the shame."

This passage is interesting. Zechariah is told incredulous news by a stranger, news that gives answer to his prayers, but he doesn't believe it. I don't blame him for not believing at first. He was very old and so was his wife, but more than that he is given this news unexpectedly. Elizabeth and him had probably already given up on having children when this angel arrives to tell them they will have a son. The arrival of the angel had to then be unexpected and baffling to Zechariah. His unbelief isn't exactly rebuked and yet he still faces consequences for not believing. God doesn't take away the answer to his prayer because he doesn't believe, but He does punish Zechariah by making him mute for the duration of his wife's pregnancy. Being mute is an annoyance, but doesn't actually hurt Zechariah. This passage reveals that God will answer our prayers, but He expects us to believe when He tells us our prayers are being answered.

Journey to Bethlehem: An Advent Challenge

Day 6: Luke 1:11-17

Zechariah and Elizabeth

Luke 1:11-17 continues the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth. Zechariah was at this time serving in the temple, he was selected by throwing lots to burn incense for God, and it is here that an angel appears to him. He is afraid, but the angel tells him not to be afraid that God has heard his prayer. God has heard Zechariah's prayer and He is going to give them a son. The angel tells Zechariah that he will name his son John. John will bring his parents joy and make many people happy. He will be a great man for the Lord. John will never drink alcohol and even from birth he will be filled with the Holy Spirit. He will help many people return to the Lord and he will go forward in the spirit of the Lord to prepare the people for the coming of the Lord.

John was not just the answer to his parents' prayers, but the person a God had chosen to prepare His people for His coming. Before John was born God had a plan for him. He knew his personality, he knew his faithfulness to abstain from alcohol, and he knew what John's life would mean to other people. John would bring happiness and restoration. God knew all of this before John was even born and He revealed this plan to his parents. God had heard their prayers and was going to bless them beyond their dreams. In this passage of Luke, God has revealed to Zechariah that He had a plan that far surpassed Zechariah's. 

The life of John stood out from others because he was filled with the spirit of the Lord and he abstained from activities that would dilute the spirit in him. Since John stood out from others, he was able to guide people back to the Lord and make people happy. The story of John the Baptist is helpful for modern day Christians because we too have been set apart. Like John we have the potential to guide people to the Lord and to prepare them for the coming of the Lord. That is going to look different for each of us, but God has set us apart. An angel might not have told our parents that their prayers were going to be answered, but God still knew His purpose for our lives and the personality we would have. This December, remember we are each called like John to prepare the way for Jesus. In just a few weeks we will be celebrating the birth of Jesus. What better gift could we give to Him than to bring Him another lost person?

November Challenge: Day 15

Today is the 15th, which means I am officially half-way through this month of intentional gratitude and you are too if you have decided to enter into this journey with me. I know that I have started a few of these posts by stating something negative or critical about my life or day, but I believe doing this helps you to fully understand why an ordinary aspect of life is truly a blessing. I'm not trying to encourage complaining, but to practice the skill of refocusing your thoughts to see the positive. Taking a complaint and turning it into a blessing is challenge, but this practice cultivates a more grateful heart. A perfect example of this can be found in today's blessing.

Last night I was up most of the night and wasn't feeling well. Part of not feeling well has been my battle with acid reflux nearly every night, which has become an ongoing battle over these last few months. I am woke up from the painful, burning sensation in my chest and forced to stay awake until the acid decides to return to my stomach. Medication hasn't seemed to help and I am hoping this new nightly trend will disappear soon. I mention this nightly battle because when I have a particularly bad night then I usually wake up in the morning irritated, a natural side effect of not getting enough sleep.  I'm not trying to justify starting your morning irritated, but I think it is important to remember that a good night of sleep is going to dramatically affect your day. 

When I did wake up and manage to start my day, it was to a series of questions and complaints about my method of running a household, which I was only doing as part of helping my mom recover after her surgery. My own needs and concerns I already have over running my own life is of no matter to this other set of lives. There was a fight. Isn't there always one? And I just left the situation really frustrated. I am doing my mom a favor and outside of my mom, everyone is capable of taking care of themselves. The fact that I am handling everything my mom typically handles is a favor to her and not because the other parties are unable to do these things themselves. Needless to say I left this argument frustrated and really upset at the absolute selfishness being displayed. I was hurt by the condescending tone and implication about my ability to run a household. 

This moment is one of those moments when my heart is full, I'm weary from sadness and frustration, but I don't do anything. By anything, I mean that I didn't pray about it or give it over to God. Honestly, I just let it sit there and allow it to consume my morning. Yet, in this moment God saw my heart full of hurt and the tears not yet shed and He read these as if they were the words in a prayer. Prayer is important, it is in prayer that God reveals His heart to us, but in those moments when we can't pray He is there too and He hears the prayers we are unable to pray. He hears those unspoken prayers just as loudly as the prayers that we speak and He answers our prayers in every form that they are given.

It wasn't even 30 minutes later and God had answered the prayer I hadn't even prayed. This morning's fight had been about food because though I had gone grocery shopping I hadn't bought extra food beyond what was needed for meals. The cupboards weren't bear, but the food that was there was not what was wanted and I had made clear that the food bought for meals wasn't to be touched, in essence it was being saved for a lunch or a dinner. I don't have the time to run around buying more groceries every day because someone wanted a snack. Hence my frustration. Anyways, after this argument my mom's employer stopped by our house with two bags of groceries. He had went to the store and bought us a meal (rotisserie chicken, scalloped potatoes, a loaf of bread, two salads, and a cake). No one had asked him to do this and as far as I know my mom hasn't talked to him since her surgery a few days ago. We didn't ask, but God had prompted his heart to recognize a need that wasn't being shown. I say need because those groceries smoothed over a roughness in the morning and not an actual need since there were groceries. 

When I opened the bag of groceries and put away the food, my heart was overwhelmed with gratitude. Gratitude for God answering a prayer I hadn't prayed for and reminding me He does answer all of my prayers. Gratitude for my mom's employer, who cared enough about her well-being that he addressed a potential need without being asked. His generosity is a reminder of how we should be loving others. Most people aren't going to ask you to do something for them and are probably going to waive your verbal attempts to help, but that doesn't mean they don't need help or have a need. Loving others means that we need to recognize another's needs without them having to tell us or relying on them to ask. It doesn't mean asserting your presence, but in acting with love in the least aggressive way. This might mean dropping off food without assuming an invitation into their homes or lives, an unexpected gesture of love and kindness. I'm not discouraging a visit with a person, but suggesting that there are times when a person isn't up for a visit, such as after a death or while recovering. In these moments we can show love and compassion without necessarily being present. 

Today, amid chaos and disorder, there was an answer to a prayer and a reminder that we are deeply loved. We are loved by God, who answers all our prayers, ever those prayers we haven't prayed in words. We are loved by others, who express their love in those moments of unexpected kindness. The truth is that even in our seemingly worst moments we have much to be grateful for and it is our responsibility to recognize our blessings, cultivating a grateful heart. My heart is grateful and there is peace. What are you thankful for today?

November Challenge: Day 7

Today I am thankful for friendships. The last two weeks I have been struggling with something that happened in my personal life and I haven't felt able to talk to anyone about the situation. I knew of a few people that I could talk to, even people I wanted to talk to, but in my heart I knew that I couldn't talk to anyone about what happened. There was shame and a fear of judgment, which made me withdraw from relationships. I didn't know how to be honest when answering friend's questions without telling them about what had happened. This was something I struggled with for the last two weeks and something I spent a lot of time praying about. Last night and this morning my prayers were answered in the unexpected text message of a friend. I was able to be honest with her without revealing my personal struggle, but God knew that I needed to talk to her about what had happened and prompted her to keep asking questions that eventually led to the truth. I needed to unload what I had been feeling for the last two weeks and have them understand. I told my friend everything that had happened and I didn't feel judgement or shame. It was a relief to not carry that burden alone anymore. 

Scripture teaches us that God wants us to have these relationships and these friendships so that when we stumble we have someone to help us back up. God gave us marriage so that we had a partner for life, but He also gave us friendships because it isn't good for human beings to be alone. I have a tendency to forget the importance of these relationships, but I sure am grateful God didn't forget. He sent me my friend when I needed her and for the first time in two weeks I feel I can go forward stronger. Today I am very thankful for friendship. What are you thankful for today?

Praying Without Believing

This last week I have been drawn to and focused on the area of love. It started with God Wants You To Know messages about love and continued as I prayed for understanding during my time with God. The messages about love have continued and include, "Your task is not to seek for love, but to seek and melt all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it," as well as "love is a great investment". I haven't really been sure of what to make of all of it. Today, in an innocent, unguarded moment at work I was reminded of a memory of the one I love. The memory was so vivid that I felt all of the same feelings I had felt in the original moment, but this time I also felt sadness because it was gone. In truth I have struggled this week and I have prayed often about a next step. I'm not sure this is an answer, but my devotional today was about praying without believing. The message that we should pray, believing our prayers will be answered, and then preparing our life for the answer. If I want to love like God, if I want restoration, then I need to strengthen my weaknesses. 

S Scripture: "Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery?" says the Lord. "Do I close up the womb when I bring to delivery?" says Your God." Isaiah 66:9

O Observation: God will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born. The pain of labor is rewarded with the birth of new life. In essence the pain we experience is "labor pains" and the outcome is "new life"; a blessing.

A Application: It is difficult for me to justify pain, especially my own pain, but I can't deny that pains of labor bring forth beautiful life. Right now my heart is in pain and I long for that "new life". I need to recognize the purpose of my pain and prepare my life for the new that is waiting to be born. 

P Prayer: God, I haven't known what I should do. All of these messages and all of my feelings have left me confused. My heart is in pain, but You are bringing forth new life. I ask that You would help me prepare to receive new life. In Your loving name, Amen

Rain

Have you ever wanted to pray for something so badly that you couldn't find the words? Or wanted something with all of your heart, but knew you couldn't ask for it? There are times in life when we want or need something, but to ask for it, to receive it the way we imagine might mean consequences for someone else. Our flesh (the sinful part) desires the obtainment without concern for consequences, but our heart (the part with the Holy Spirit) reminds us of the consequences, which might mean someone else has pain or heartache, and prevents us from asking for what we want. When our hearts our overwhelmed with the desire to pray for something, but we know we can't then we can feel unheard. Lately, I have felt unheard. That the prayers I couldn't bring myself to pray went unnoticed. Then my focus shifted and I began to pray for other things, specifically things outside of my control. I prayed for rain. It wasn't a test, but I needed to focus my prayer energy. Today it rained. Not a storm, but just enough for God to tell me He heard my prayer, that He never stopped listening. 

The Lessons of Proverbs

Yesterday was the end of the Proverbs 31 day challenge and I feel I have gained new insight into God's will, but before I talk about what I learned, I want to share a success with you: The last 10 years of my life have been marked by awful allergies, including food allergies. Besides the "normal" allergies, I have a condition known as Birch-Apple Syndrome, which is a fancy way of saying I am allergic to a protein in birch trees, apples, and a few other foods, including carrots, peaches, cranberries, and soy. Over the years my tolerance for the protein has decreased and my food allergies have grown. This year my allergies have been markedly less so I thought I might reintroduce one of the foods I am allergic to (apples). I developed a plan and this last month I have taken to sampling apple slices. I had a proactive and reactive response plan in place, in addition to praying for God's blessings on their experiment. Today was my fourth exposure to apples and before taking a single bite I prayed...and I didn't have a reaction to the apple, which I ate in its entirety! While I had success today, I don't want anyone to assume they will have success too.  Allergies are very serious and a severe reaction can happen at any time so consult your doctor before trying to reintroduce any food allergen back into your diet.

Now onto Proverbs. There were a few lessons that repeated throughout Proverbs, but the one lesson that resonated with me the most was to not be quarrelsome. The idea that patience leads us to overlook an offence and prevent a quarrel, as well as the images of a quarrelsome wife, stuck out to me. Each verse that reflected these ideas felt like God poking me, "Hey you! Listen to this. Take this to heart. Learn from it!" I don't mean to be, but I am a quarrelsome person. I forgive, but I rarely overlook an offense. The truth is when I am wronged I want justice, I want the person to realize their mistake, and I want them to make amends so I can forgive them and be reconciled. But this rarely happens. More often there is a fight and a missed opportunity to show love and be loved. I need to remember love is more important. 

Tears, Fear, and Prayers

Last night was wonderful, which is why today has been so confusing. Restoration seemed not only possible, but inevitable and I became afraid. Suddenly, I had something to lose again and not talking about where we were or what we wanted left me unsure of what had happened. Today, I was very emotional and I cried a lot because of fear. I remembered last night, the last 24 hours of praying continuously, and watching my prayers being answered in unexpected ways.

In my tears and my fear, I prayed and I prayed some more. I wanted instant results, I was very sad, but God's timing is perfect and I continued to pray and wait. It took all day and into the evening before I saw my prayers answered. Nothing happened specifically, but casual conversation reassured me. I know God is teaching me to wait, to be patient, and to relay on Him for answers to my prayers. Today has shown me what I need and I am learning to trust God more and more. His plan for me is perfect and better than I could ever imagine. 

Answered Prayers

Turning back yesterday left me with a clear purpose for today. Yesterday, God put into my heart the words I would use today and without knowing the outcome I sent those words to the one I love. The last few days I had spent praying about today. I saw today as a pivotal moment in restoration. I don't know how it would work or what would happen, but I prayed for today to be restoration and then tried to remove all doubt from my heart. 

I sent those words, had just about given up when I started to pray, and then my phone began to vibrate. It was him, the one I love, and the words God gave me led him to decide we needed to talk. I was nervous and anxious, that could mean so many things, but I expressed my fears and my willingness to talk anyways. He reassured me and we arranged to meet for dinner. And then, maybe because God knew I was so anxious, he delayed coming and I began to fear he wouldn't come at all. My heart turned heavy and I began to pray again. I laid my head down, I was very tired, and just as I had almost given up and was going to sleep, he was there. The moment had arrived. My nerves were still there, but they were significantly less than they were hours before.

God knew I needed some time, to relax, and to just be focused on something else (like being glad he showed up when I thought he wasn't going to). He also knew I needed what happened next, an evening and late night of reminiscing, of joking, and just enjoying each other's company. We didn't talk about what happened, what he wanted to talk about, or what anything meant. It wasn't that the night wasn't productive, it just served a different purpose. For me, it was this relaxing night, after too many stressful ones, that reminded my heart it was right to love this other person. That what happened wasn't as important as him and the value I gave him in my life. I could have nagged him or demanded we talk, but it wouldn't have been as effective as showing I cared about him. For him, I hope the night was a reminder of my love and a manifestation of a safe place to be.