Thankful November: The First Ten Days

I am thankful! Yes, I am very thankful even though I am behind in posting my gratitude. The last nine days I have been busy with work and getting ready for a long weekend in Kansas. I am in Kansas now and I have time to reflect on the blessings I have experienced over the last nine days. 

The first blessing is the return of my friend and coworker. Earlier this year she unexpectedly joined the peace corps and left for Africa in February. Everyone was heartbroken at work and we have missed her greatly. The first week of November I was in Starbucks and was thinking about how I needed to buy some more coffee to send to her. Later on that day I ran into her at work. My friend and coworker had just as unexpectedly returned from Africa. I am so incredibly grateful to have my friend back at work. 

The next blessing is waking up to the sunrise every morning. I don't particularly enjoy waking up early, especially when I first wake up and it is still dark, but seeing the sunrise makes waking up early  seem better. The recent time change has made waking up easier because the sun has just started rising  and it doesn't feel like I should still be sleeping. 

The last blessing is being in Kansas. I have wanted to take this trip to Kansas for awhile now, but it has never happened. Last month my dad told my grandpa that I was planning on coming and on my grandpa's birthday I looked up flights to Kansas. The flights were surprisingly affordable and I booked the flight immediately. Today I spent the day traveling from California to Kansas and I arrived just as the sun set. Kansas is so much different than California and I am enjoying the small town. I grew up in a small town and have watched as it has grown so much in the last few years. It is nice to be in a quiet town with little to no traffic. I am looking forward to the next few days of quiet rest that being in a small town brings. 

What are you thankful for? Leave your gratitude in the comments below as well as any prayer requests. 

Thankful November: The Plan

I can hardly believe that it is already November. This is harder to believe since I have yet to start planning anything for Christmas. There use to be a time when I was done with all of my Christmas shopping by October, but hardships in the last five years have transitioned me towards procrastinating Christmas shopping. I always intend to plan ahead and finish early, but that is happening less and less these days. All of this is really besides the point. The point is that I can't believe it is November already and that I want to take some time to appreciate all of my blessings before the craziness of December sets in. I will probably still post a few Christmas related posts this month, but the majority of my posts will be focused on gratitude. 

Every day I record three things I am grateful for in the list section on my phone and then transcribe those blessings onto a list on my computer, but this month I am going to spend some time each week writing about something I am grateful for. Whenever these things involve a person I am going to find a way to express my gratitude towards them because gratefulness is not expressed enough when it comes to the people in our lives. It might be something they did for me or just their general presence in my life, but I am going to find a way to express my gratitude. I encourage you to do the same. 

Last year I followed a 30-day prompt and wrote each day about something that I was grateful for, but it was a lot to keep up with and some of the days were not well thought out. By the end of the challenge I felt obligated to write on that topic and the purpose of gratitude was lost. A 30-day prompt is still something worth trying, but this year I am going to let the experience be more natural. I am going to spend an hour or so each week just meditating on all of my blessings and write about the one that stood out the most at the end of the hour. I will readily admit that some weeks the blessing is probably going to seem pretty trivial, but sometimes the littlest things are the biggest blessings. 

Leave a comment below if you are planning on doing the Thankful November and be sure to tell me some of the things you are thankful for in your own life. 

40-Day Detox: The Power of Prayer

I apologize that I didn't post an update sooner. I sat down to write this post, but honestly I didn't know what to say. Or how to express progress when it doesn't feel like any progress has been made. It has been 17 days since I started this journey, which means I am almost to the halfway mark and I thought I would have made more progress by this point. Not measuring up to expectations is never easy to deal with and can lead to disappointment. That is the point I was at when I sat down to write this update on Saturday and as a result I didn't post anything. My intention, when I sat down at my computer tonight, was not to write an update or even a post, but then I realized I had made progress.

Progress is not always measurable. Sometimes progress is just a slow increase in desired response and not something we even notice until it is complete. I had been measuring my progress by the results I could record and put on paper, but the results I wanted are not something that can be measured. Yes, I could measure my healthy eating habits and exercise, but the mental and spiritual progress I wanted is not something that can be measured. I know that I have not made progress on eating healthier or getting more exercise and that is an area I need to improve upon. But I have made progress in other areas. Tonight, as I sat down, I realized that I am happier than I was before this journey, I am learning to trust God more, and I am seeing spiritual truths happening in my life. 

I have always believed in the power of prayer, but during those times in my life when God seems silent, I know that my faith wavers. The last few weeks I have felt that God has been silent and I honestly didn't know what to think about my circumstances. I continued to pray, but I felt lost. In last week's post I reflected on my experience of honestly praying to God, in absolute silence, and having a wonderful experience of Him answering my prayers. He didn't answer immediately or directly, but when I received my answers, it was undeniable that it was God. Then last week I spent time in Max Lucado's devotional on the power of a simple prayer. My prayers last week were not necessarily short or simple, but they were heartfelt expressions of my circumstances that I decided to lay at God's feet. 

The strange thing is that after I prayed God again answered my prayers. Everything seemed to fall into place and my worries seemed to come to an end. Then a few days later everything fell apart and I honestly didn't know what to make of it. Suddenly, my answers were gone and I seemed to be back at square one. Again I prayed and I did my best to leave my concerns in that prayer, replacing worry with hope. Once again, my prayers were answered or at least mostly answered. Everything isn't solved by all means, but there are solutions in place and my concerns are being worked out. Prayer is powerful, but if we expect immediate results than chances are that we aren't going to see progress. We are going to imagine our prayers haven't been heard or aren't being answered and we are going to miss the little ways God has communicated with us along the way to our prayers being answered.

40-Day Detox: 6 Day Update

Last weekend I laid out my plan for "detoxing" my life and refocusing on God's will for me. My plan includes living a healthier lifestyle, becoming more active, limiting unnecessary world influence, and spending more time with God daily. I am now 6 days into the 40-day detox and there is a lot of room for improvement. I created a tracker to keep track of the progress I made, the intention being that I would use it daily, but I haven't filled it out at all, which is indication enough that I could use improvement. This week has been crazy. I have been rushing this week to finish a project while also studying like crazy for a test that I had to take for work. So while I have still been trying to keep up with the detox plan, I haven't been keeping up with tracking each day's progress. 

This week I have been successful in spending less time on YouTube or watching TV and spending more time with God. I completed a  5-day devotional plan on the topic "When God Could Have, But He Didn't" in addition to the Bible reading and devotional I normally do every day. I was not successful in living a healthier lifestyle or being more active each day. I am hoping to improve on these aspects of my detox plan as I move into the second week. In order to ensure improvement on living a healthier lifestyle, I am implementing changes today, which include planning a healthier grocery list. I already meal prep my lunches for work most weeks, but I have noticed that if I don't have a lot of variety it is harder for me to eat my lunch without buying something else. Buying your lunch daily is not necessarily a bad thing, but for me the only options are expensive and not that healthy. I am still planning my lunches for this week, but if you want to see what I meal prep for my lunches, leave a comment below letting me know. 

My overall impressions of this first week of "detox" is that I need a lot of improvement in reaching my daily goals if I hope to see any progress at the end of 40 days. I have noticed a lot of bitterness in my heart about my circumstances and that bitterness is creating an awful attitude. This is not the way I want to live my life and I have been struggling a lot with my attitude this week. My general approach was that God has a lot of work to do during the 40 day detox, but the reality is that I have a lot of work to do. This isn't God's problem, but mine and I need to put in effort to fix it and then God can do what I am unable to do. 

I made some progress yesterday during my 2 hour drive to take a test for work. The radio station I usually listen to went to static after 45 minutes of driving and I was left in silence the rest of the drive. I only like silence when I am trying to sleep so it was a difficult transition for me, but I used the time to just talk to God. I spilled my heart out to Him as I drove on the freeway and when I reached my destination, I received my answer of sorts. Of course, an answer after a long period of silence is confusing, but again I spent my time alone to pray about the meaning and this morning I woke to a devotional email on the topic that God is Faithful to Keep His Promises. Silence is a good thing because it gives us time with God and it gives Him the quiet time He needs to give us an answer. Yes, He can answer us in the loud, chaotic times of our lives, but no one wants to shout to be heard. 

These last 6 days have not been very successful for me, but my experience over the last few days has reminded me that I need to renew my commitment. I need to work hard to improve in these areas that I have identified as in need of "detox". Transformation is not going to happen overnight, but I hope that next week I am able to share improvement on my way toward a more God-focused life. How is your journey going? Let me known in the comments below.

40-Day Detox

Last weekend, on the first day of October, my intentions were good. I was planning on "detoxing" my life in an effort to regain focus. I even made a plan, but then I fell short. Isn't that always the story? The problem was I was struggling with the emotions I was feeling and ignoring them was only creating a bigger problem. Honestly, I am still struggling, but that is ok. I am going to attempt to process the depth of my emotions and experiences while also "detoxing" my life. I don't know what will happen, but I am willing to let go and trust God to make something of my mess. 

Over the last week I have made a plan, which I intend to implement over the next 40 days. I have never done anything like this before and I have no idea if it will have any impact on my life, but I am going to try it anyways. My "detox" plan has 4 aspects: health, body, mind, and spirit. Initially each aspect was going to be introduced for 10 days during the 40 days, but I decided that the greatest potential for benefit was if I implemented each aspect every day for 40 days. The first aspect is health and is basically just a commitment to eat healthier. I thought about the Daniel Plan, but I have a few deficiencies and I was not confident that I could meet my nutritional needs by only consuming the items on the list. I also wasn't comfortable suggesting a plan that I had never tried myself, especially considering that individuals have different health needs. The second aspect is body and the goal is movement. My goal is to get my body moving for at least 30 minutes every day; minus a rest day. Movement could be going on a walk or a run or it could be a full workout. I left it open because I have noticed that I have a hard time committing myself to one activity. The third aspect is mind and the goal is to limit our time with worldly influences. This might be limiting internet usage or decreasing time spent watching TV or some form of digital entertainment like Netflix or YouTube. The last aspect is spirit and the thought is that if we are limiting time with worldly influences that we are increasing time spent with the Spirit. This might be spending time reading the Bible, praying, meditating, or participating in a devotional. 

My "detox" plan is a series of goals, which I hope will have a positive aspect on my life. As I said before, I don't know how this will work because I have never done it before, but I am excited to try this for the next 40 days and see what happens. I will try to post weekly updates on my progress and include any tips that I learn along the way. I invite you to join me in this journey and to share your progress with me. Remember the goal is progress.

Hello October

Today is the first day of October and it really is the signaling of a new season. Yes, fall technically starts in September, but for me it truly begins in October. Today is the start of a new month, a new season, and the opportunity for a new beginning. 

The last few months Lessons has been silent. The truth is that I reached a point where I felt stuck. The content I was writing and posting felt the same each time. I had been waiting for so long and I had reached this seemingly next level, but then my life just stayed there. A relationship was improved upon, but the truth was I wasn't really any closer to restoration and that can be a frustrating feeling. Even now, after so much has happened, I am still stuck in that place of waiting. Waiting for answers, waiting for restoration, and waiting for guidance. I am in this place where I have waited for so long that I am not sure I can trust everything I have believed up to this point. This is not about my faith. I don't want anyone to think that I am doubting my faith or my belief in my Lord and Savior. The doubt I have is my perception of an answer given to me when I prayed and fasted from communication. I believed the answer was a promise of restoration, but after almost 10 months I am not confident in that belief. 

A couple of weeks ago I was in Atlanta and leading up to Atlanta I had allowed myself to believe that this trip would be the answer, the realization of the promise of restoration. Atlanta was a disaster. The trip upset the relationship that was improving and has cast doubt in my heart about the reality of restoration. Earlier this week I was thinking about this trip and was overcome with emotion. I found myself on the verge of tears over the tearing down of Turner Field, which was the reason we made the trip to Atlanta, and I couldn't figure out the reason for my overwhelming emotions. Then it hit me. I was upset, not in losing Turner Field, but in the realization that I was being asked to say goodbye to this relationship with the person I love. Saying goodbye is never easy and it becomes all the harder when you realized you missed your opportunity to make it meaningful. If I had realized that Atlanta was a goodbye then I would have behaved very differently. I would  have tried harder to swallow the hurts and keep my emotions in check so that the final goodbye wasn't bitterness. 

The opportunity has passed and now comes the phase of acceptance. I say acceptance, but I'm not sure I can truly ever accept that restoration in this relationship is over. Acceptance is made more difficult when the next day you awake from dreams of a restored relationship. The truth is I am confused, probably more so than ever before. I think, and certainly my brain agrees, that my perception of a promise was misconstrued and that restoration is out of the question, but my heart holds on to the promise of love. Understandably, I cannot think long on this conflict without becoming frustrated and this is where October comes in. 

I am intending to use October as a new month and a new opportunity. My focus is going to shift from restoration and promises of restoration to areas of my life that I can control. The goal is to get unstuck and to grow without the fear of losing something. I cannot control what happens, but maybe shifting my focus will finally give God the opportunity to work in the relationship. Obviously, I  hope that He will decide restoration is the best option for the relationship and I will be able to write a post of thanksgiving that my season of waiting is over. But there remains the possibility that He might continue our separation and our lives will continue to drift apart. Either way, I need to let go and do my best to give up control. There is a lot of change on the horizon and I am hoping this change in focus will be a source of new lessons that I can share with you. 

Please pray for me as I embark on this new journey. Please seek God's wisdom in my life and ask Him to guide me as I make decisions. Thank you for your support and your prayers. If I can pray for you please leave your prayer requests in the comments below. 

Prayer Request

Tonight my cousin was in a bad car accident in Hawaii. She has been medi-flighted to a hospital and is going into emergency surgery to remove her spleen. I ask that all readers would put my cousin in your prayers. Thank you.