The past: that lost place that holds so many memories. Memories that bring tears to your eyes, memories that are too painful to even think about, and memories that bring such joy to your heart. Over the years I have been given a lot of advice about the past and how I should view it. The general opinion seems to be we should leave the past in the past and move forward with our lives. Yet, those who don't know their history are doomed to repeat it and I would have to agree. A certain amount of thought should be on the past, you should at least remember the actions you took and the results that happened, while the rest of your thoughts should be on the present as well as your future. The past is where I have learned so many of the lessons that have shaped me and where prayers were answered. The past, while sometimes painful, isn't necessarily a bad place to visit, just don't dwell there.
Today, I spent some time in the past, specifically thinking about the last year and it here that I found God. I can't say what exactly led me to this place, a specific event that happened 4 months ago, but here I was thinking of that event and how that event may have shaped my current circumstances. The more I thought about all of it, the more guilt I felt, and then I felt stupid because I don't even know if that guilt is justified. Ordinarily, guilt is an alarm your body gives you that alerts you to wrong doing, but sometimes it goes off when we recognize someone may feel bad. Sometimes we haven't done anything wrong and yet someone is hurt by our actions, or might be hurt, and we feel bad, although we didn't do anything wrong. I was thinking about my guilt, not knowing if it was justified, and watching television. The show I was watching just happened to be on the same thought wave, funny how that happens, and was illustrating the importance of expressing yourself while proving it was necessary to think of others. Expressing yourself is healthy, but it is important to be mindful of others; specifically how our words and actions will affect them.
A few months ago I went out with a friend and we went out to dinner and then saw a movie. it was an enjoyable night and I thanked my freind publicly for a fun, much needed night out. I didn't think anything of expressing my graitude until today. Today, I realized this public expression of gratitude might have ended up hurting someone I love. Sometimes our actions have averse effects on the people around us and we don't always realize this until later. Words weren't expressed then so I don't know if I did hurt the one I love and I have no way of knowing now if it contributed to my current circumstances. This inability to know the consequences of my actions leaves my heart breeaking at the thought I may have hurt him and that all the hurt I now feel may have been prevented. Misunderstandings happen. That is why I value honest communication in all my relationships. If I hurt you then I want you to be able to tell me and to feel comfortable with expressing yourself to me. I imagine Jesus would feel the same way considering how often the religious leaders tried to trick him into sinning.
In this place of regret, wishing for honest communication and ultimately restoration, I needed to learn that it is all part of God's plan and therefore happened for a reason. This is a good place to focus since I can't change the past, although I still wish I could. Sometimes I just have to sit and pray the serenity prayer, unable to change my circumstances:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept what I can't change,
The courage to change what I can,
And the wisdom to tell the difference."
Today, I spent some time in the past, specifically thinking about the last year and it here that I found God. I can't say what exactly led me to this place, a specific event that happened 4 months ago, but here I was thinking of that event and how that event may have shaped my current circumstances. The more I thought about all of it, the more guilt I felt, and then I felt stupid because I don't even know if that guilt is justified. Ordinarily, guilt is an alarm your body gives you that alerts you to wrong doing, but sometimes it goes off when we recognize someone may feel bad. Sometimes we haven't done anything wrong and yet someone is hurt by our actions, or might be hurt, and we feel bad, although we didn't do anything wrong. I was thinking about my guilt, not knowing if it was justified, and watching television. The show I was watching just happened to be on the same thought wave, funny how that happens, and was illustrating the importance of expressing yourself while proving it was necessary to think of others. Expressing yourself is healthy, but it is important to be mindful of others; specifically how our words and actions will affect them.
A few months ago I went out with a friend and we went out to dinner and then saw a movie. it was an enjoyable night and I thanked my freind publicly for a fun, much needed night out. I didn't think anything of expressing my graitude until today. Today, I realized this public expression of gratitude might have ended up hurting someone I love. Sometimes our actions have averse effects on the people around us and we don't always realize this until later. Words weren't expressed then so I don't know if I did hurt the one I love and I have no way of knowing now if it contributed to my current circumstances. This inability to know the consequences of my actions leaves my heart breeaking at the thought I may have hurt him and that all the hurt I now feel may have been prevented. Misunderstandings happen. That is why I value honest communication in all my relationships. If I hurt you then I want you to be able to tell me and to feel comfortable with expressing yourself to me. I imagine Jesus would feel the same way considering how often the religious leaders tried to trick him into sinning.
In this place of regret, wishing for honest communication and ultimately restoration, I needed to learn that it is all part of God's plan and therefore happened for a reason. This is a good place to focus since I can't change the past, although I still wish I could. Sometimes I just have to sit and pray the serenity prayer, unable to change my circumstances:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept what I can't change,
The courage to change what I can,
And the wisdom to tell the difference."
Reflecting on last year, all of the wonderful experiences and people I met, made me regret my current circumstances since the people I had these experiences with were no longer available to me. I don't understand how to achieve the same results in different circumstances. This is difficult, but I think God wants me to fully realize what I want and don't want in my life. Only then can I make informed decisions about the people who remain in my life and the activities I participate in. I still struggle with what I want to repeat from the last year. This time of struggle, of removal, is providing clarity and I am determined to learn from it.
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