Progress

Life seems to happen in stages (birth, childhood, adolescence, college, marriage, children, retirement, and death) and we all have plan for our life at each of these stages, even when we shouldn't. I am a planner and I always have been. My entire childhood I knew exactly how each life stage would turn out. In the 5th grade I even wrote a short story about my plan as I looked through a magic mirror at various stages of my life. In short, I was going to graduate from Harvard, attend medical school, become a doctor, get married, and have twins.

Then life happened. When I was 12 years old, my older sister passed away and who I was changed. Suddenly, I was the oldest and I began to struggle. I was trying to live the life of someone 5 years older than me while still trying to be myself. I experienced a lot of frustration and dreams I had for myself fell apart. The first dream being Harvard. I knew I was no longer Harvard material, but I applied anyways, and the rejection letter was the very real proof that I didn't get to plan my life. In college, at University of California Davis, I realized I wasn't going to become a doctor either. Alright, I haven't quite given up on becoming a doctor, but I aware that it is not going to happen any time soon, especially considering my ongoing struggle with chemistry. These lost dreams were not devastating, although they were disappointing, and I don't feel my life is any poorer for not achieving them. Not to mention, I don't know if things would have been any different, at least as far as the dreams go, if my sister were still here today.

I'm thinking about life stages and lost dreams now as I see most of the people my age (friends,  family, and coworkers) reaching or achieving life stages I imagined I would be at already. I think we, as a society, put a lot of pressure on people, especially women, to achieve certain things before they become a certain age. I see this especially when women are in their twenties and society expects them to be engaged, married, pregnant, or with children already. If you aren't at a certain stage then people give you a look of pity and say something along the lines, "You'll be there someday." It doesn't matter if you're hesitant because of the past, you don't want that life, or you are physically unable to achieve that life stage. 

If we judged our progress in life based on reaching life stages, especially when everyone else did, we would spend most of life feeling like a failure. Progress should be personal. If we struggle with patience and then endured a brutal meeting at work without losing our temper that should be progress and not whether we achieved a promotion at the same time as a coworker. When you look at life in terms of your own progress, rather than what everyone else is doing, you realize you're a success. This is especially helpful when you feel you're in the same boat as last year just with new people. It is nice to be able to say, "No, I'm not. I'm more patient or more forgiving. I'm stronger or more willing to be happy." Recognizing progress gives you the opportunity to give thanks to God and see prayers answered.