Turning back yesterday left me with a clear purpose for today. Yesterday, God put into my heart the words I would use today and without knowing the outcome I sent those words to the one I love. The last few days I had spent praying about today. I saw today as a pivotal moment in restoration. I don't know how it would work or what would happen, but I prayed for today to be restoration and then tried to remove all doubt from my heart.
I sent those words, had just about given up when I started to pray, and then my phone began to vibrate. It was him, the one I love, and the words God gave me led him to decide we needed to talk. I was nervous and anxious, that could mean so many things, but I expressed my fears and my willingness to talk anyways. He reassured me and we arranged to meet for dinner. And then, maybe because God knew I was so anxious, he delayed coming and I began to fear he wouldn't come at all. My heart turned heavy and I began to pray again. I laid my head down, I was very tired, and just as I had almost given up and was going to sleep, he was there. The moment had arrived. My nerves were still there, but they were significantly less than they were hours before.
God knew I needed some time, to relax, and to just be focused on something else (like being glad he showed up when I thought he wasn't going to). He also knew I needed what happened next, an evening and late night of reminiscing, of joking, and just enjoying each other's company. We didn't talk about what happened, what he wanted to talk about, or what anything meant. It wasn't that the night wasn't productive, it just served a different purpose. For me, it was this relaxing night, after too many stressful ones, that reminded my heart it was right to love this other person. That what happened wasn't as important as him and the value I gave him in my life. I could have nagged him or demanded we talk, but it wouldn't have been as effective as showing I cared about him. For him, I hope the night was a reminder of my love and a manifestation of a safe place to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment