Confusion

Last night I didn't sleep much again, I hope this isn't turning into a trend, plagued by dreams of the one I love. Ordinarily dreams of him would be comforting, reassuring, but last night the dreams I had were awful, even nightmarish. I woke up longing for his comfort and protection, but I was all alone. My heart ached and I prayed. All day I waited for that prayer to be answered, but if there was an answer given I missed it. Tonight, I'm sad, filled with an intense longing and questioning how I should be feeling.

Love is unconditional: it believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things (1 Corinthians 13). I believe this, I practice this, and yet I'm questioning if I'm doing what I'm suppose to or just being stubborn. Today I am wondering if I'm being a stubborn child refusing to accept the Father's "No." If I am refusing to accept God's plans then I am delaying fulfillment, I am delaying God's blessings, and putting off the inevitable, which only brings pain. I don't want to be stubborn, but I can't escape the reality of unconditional love. I am reminded of the Prodigal Son. His father probably prayed every day for his son's return and everyday without an answer probably felt like God was saying, "No!" I don't know how the father took the waiting, I don't know if he ever gave up, but I know there was so much joy in the return. 

The father had to wait for the prodigal son, he didn't know if or when his son would come back, and yet it seems he was there waiting. Tonight I don't know if that is what I am suppose to do. Do I wait or do I let go? I do both. I pray and I patiently wait for an answer, for restoration, for the next step. I pray and turn it all over to God. He has the control, not me, and let's be honest He is way more qualified. It is ok to not have the answers. God does.

When you're in a place of confusion and you don't know what to do, do nothing. Well not nothing. Pray. Pray, giving it all to God, and wait for His solution, His wisdom, or whatever else it is you need. God knows exactly what you need and how to answer your need according to His plan. Confusion is part of being human so just pray, let go, and wait. It's in God's hands.