I hope this morning was not an answer to my prayer for reassurance because it reflected the opposite of my desire. This morning reflected reality and not the change I had been hoping for. Understandably, this upset me and was in the back of my mind this whole day. Sometimes I think God answers our prayers in ways that give insight into painful truths we have to face. News isn't as bad if you are warned of it first.
I wanted to be angry, I wanted to say,"That isn't what I asked for," but instead I waited and allowed God the opportunity to explain His answer. I'm not sure I received an explanation, but I did get this overwhelming feeling that things had changed because of my mistake earlier this week. I started to pray, I wanted to ask for different circumstances, but I couldn't do it. I knew that I had made a mistake and I deserved the consequences, but that didn't stop my heart from breaking. I didn't want to pay the consequences, though I deserved them.
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